Just a bit Old Fashioned
by Godogma
Summary: Xander feeling abandoned by his friends realizes that Buffy isn't the only Summers girl that can make you crash a skateboard.
1. Chapter 1

Xander stared at the retreating backs of his friends longingly as they continued chattering happily about something Professor Walsh mentioned in class that day, his eyes following as they left without even noticing him behind the counter.

The GAP at Sunnydale Outlet Mall had decided to remain open later in order to maximize sales for the upcoming school year as well as taking advantage of those shoppers just getting out of evening classes at UC Sunnydale.

This unfortunate series of managerial decisions along with the necessity of paying rent in order to remain non-homeless had led to Xander's current situation – namely minding a counter while his friends from school enjoyed themselves, patrolled, and in all other ways enjoyed the party that college was sometimes said to be.

oOo

Riley lead his team consisting of Graham and Forrest along a patrol route outside the Sunnydale Outlet Mall, tracking a device they had managed to shoot into the hide of a shape shifting HST they had interrupted while it fed on a student earlier.

The beast kept changing forms to mirror those of people from the surrounding crowd, making it impossible for any member of his team to get a clear shot.

"There!" Riley exclaimed as the dot representing the beast darted into The GAP where the evening crowd was slowly in the process of departing. Xander watched listlessly as three men came inside seemingly following a nervous young woman. Three men following a woman immediately set Xander on edge and awakened his protective instincts.

As the men moved to bracket the girl, Xander jumped from behind the counter, but was too late to interfere as their encroachment as the 'girl' in question metamorphosed into a large genderless reptilian humanoid with a pair horns curling to bracket its face and fairly bulky exoskeletal plates resembling armor sprouted from the rest of its body just before it flung Graham across the room and into a rack of jeans.

The Sunnydale natives with practiced precision and Sunnydale denial syndrome in full force quickly vanished out the door, leaving Xander alone with the three men and the shapeshifting demon.

Xander quickly noted the effectiveness of their weapons – namely the lack thereof as the blasts from the oversized tasers the two standing men fired at the demon splashed off and Forrest was flung into the discount shirt section with a mighty crash, sending shirts everywhere and leaving the single standing figure to be quickly overpowered and knocked unconscious.

Although he didn't recognize this type of demon in particular, Xander knew blessed silver tended to cure many ills _'And even makes my peanut and jelly sandwiches taste better,'_ he reflected with a grin as he watched the tall black man tackle the demon away from his downed comrade – impacting one of the dressing room mirrors and shattering it, sending shards of silvered glass cascading to the floor with a musical tinkle.

Xander rushed forward, driving the blade he'd swiftly unsheathed from behind the small of his back into the demon's throat as somehow Forrest managed to hold it in position long enough for him to plunge the blade home. The demon proceeded to dissolve into softly glowing blue ooze.

Forrest looked down at his now glowing and sticky clothing in disgust. "Now, this is **never** going to come out."

Xander quickly spoke up with a grin as he cleaned and sheathed his blade, "Well, we are in a clothing store." Causing Forrest to look at him incredulously as the other two members of the squad came to and began to pick themselves up out of the mess.

"So," Xander trailed off, "for demon hunters you're not very well equipped," he said as he shook hands with Forrest.

"You see a lot of this sort of thing?" Forrest questioned just as Riley tapped his shoulder and made the sign for recall, causing Xander to quirk an eyebrow in recognition as Forrest quickly broke off the conversation with an apologetic shrug and headed out the door, waving as they left leaving Xander standing in the center of the destroyed store – the manager slowly emerging from the rear...

oOo

Xander blinked back the moisture in his eyes as he looked around the dingy basement that seemed to fairly well encompass and showcase the current trends of his life; no Jesse – the stake in Sophomore year had seen to that, no Willow (this brought more moisture, or was that just dust?) she'd fairly well repudiated him after the Fluke, no Cordelia – that ship sailed on to LA with no passengers; she couldn't accept his nightlife and he couldn't abandon his friends, even if it looked like they'd abandoned him. No Buffy – college and her insidious need to keep him fray adjacent had removed her from his life fairly well, Giles went hand in hand with his Slayer; emotional attachment overriding his common sense much of the time on that particular matter.

Forcing these unpleasant thoughts away for the moment, Xander stood and without any extraneous preparations headed out into the darkened Sunnydale streets – the need to be somewhere, anywhere but in the basement which so accurately symbolized his life of late sending him out dangerously under prepared for a veteran of numerous battles against the denezins of the Hellmouth.

His mind wandered along with his questing feet as he walked past the abandoned house the McNally's used to live in, then on to Willow's parents home, pausing in each case to stare longingly in through the darkened windows at remnants of a happier time.

A lovely blonde woman, driving home from a showing at her art gallery, watched these proceedings concernedly, some worry for the bright young man on her features as she noted Xander approaching her own home as she shadowed him there.

Xander had finally reached the crux of his problems; staring out at the home that had brought so many changes into his world along with the new family from LA that it sheltered. Climbing the tree to stare in through Buffy's darkened window merely revealed her empty room, the contents of which he'd seen in the dorm room she shared with Willow.

Xander's eyes once again filled with moisture, this time threatening to fall as unhappy thoughts of just how few times he'd been invited to see the two there, or otherwise, just sank in further, driven home by the desolate surroundings.

A few moments later, bringing with her the smell of hot chocolate Joyce spoke up and disturbed his quiet reverie. "I have some hair gel if you'd like."

With a yelp and a muffled thud, Xander fell from tree, staring up at Joyce from his new position flat on his back. "I'm not **that** pathetic am I?"

"That depends, are you pining after my eldest daughter?" Joyce replied, chuckling a bit as she helped him up from the ground and handed him one of the two mugs she was carrying.

"No, just missing having friends," Xander replied somewhat morosely.

"Honestly, if you'd actually been peeping it would have been less sad. It doesn't happen so much anymore, but in my day it was one of the ways a young man might show his interest."

Dawn's head popped out of her window. "Xander! You came to see me?" she declared excitedly. "Hold on a minute, I'll be right down."

Joyce finished her earlier statement with a grin at Xander, "Tell me Xander, are you an old fashioned young man?"

"Oh no, I mean, I'd never..." Xander trailed off with a massive blush.

Waiting until Xander had taken a drink of his hot chocolate Joyce announced, "Pity," with a grin as Xander coughed and choked sending hot chocolate all over the ground.

Grabbing Xander's elbow gently, she guided the coughing and very embarrassed teen into the livingroom and out of the dangerous Sunnydale evening.

oOo

Dawn jumped up, and prepared to race downstairs only to pause at her door as she realized what she was wearing; the thick flannel pajama top her mother had purchased to replace a very tight Carebears tshirt she'd almost outgrown, which while not very mature would definitively show off her presents from the puberty fairy quite nicely.

She wouldn't have kept the shirt, but Buffy's jealous glares made it worthwhile. The flannel wasn't something she wanted Xander to see her in, unless her mom would allow her to wear it completely unbuttoned, but the Carebears tshirt would do nicely. She swiftly stripped off the flannel top, ignoring the bouncing of her unrestrained breasts as she pulled on the tshirt.

oOo

Joyce had just led Xander inside when they both noticed Dawn posing at the head of the stairs. She was wearing clothing that Joyce was sure that her daughter hadn't worn to bed, showing off quite well that she'd taken more after her mother's side of the gene pool, unlike the not quite so blessed Buffy.

She covered her grin as Xander watched her youngest bounce down the stairs, clearly searing into his brain the fact that while there were many ways of describing Dawn – little girl was no longer one of them. Dawn had definitely come into her own.

Bouncing down the stairs Dawn quickly showed off her imitation of a brunette tactical missile, pressing herself full length to Xander as she wrapped her arms enthusiastically around him quite clearly demonstrating her new bounty. "Xander! Wrong window, mine's one down; I decided not to steal Buffy's old room. I'm so glad you're back, I was hoping you'd be back before the summer was over – this place is soo dead when you're not around!"

Dawn continued happily chattering as she steered him to the loveseat and plopped down beside him, seemingly quite content to stay pressed full length against his body, much to her mother's hidden amusement.

A few moments after Joyce had sat down and gotten comfortable Dawn proclaimed excitedly. "Oh, mom and I went to the beach; it was the only fun we've had all summer since you've been gone. I'll show you the pictures we took!"

With this statement Dawn ran upstairs, giving Xander a fine view as she dashed off. Joyce leaned forward with a grin. "So, Xander are you certain you're not an old fashioned boy?" Xander spluttered blushing furiously as Joyce continued, "at least we know you wont be needing my hairgel."


	2. Chapter 2

Just a bit Old Fashioned

Chapter 2: A real Eye Opener

Dawn returned from upstairs with her photo album, rescuing Xander from further teasing on the topic. As she plopped down next to him and snuggled into his side she looked curiously from his raging blush to her mom's smug grin. "Um, what did I miss?" she asked curiously.

Xander quickly grabbed the album from her and opened it, desperate to derail the topic. The first picture nearly took his breath away; in the picture Dawn glistened in the knee high surf, her hair pulled into a high braid off her neck. Her black suit didn't show off as much skin as a bikini but was somehow all the more erotic for not doing so. The sides were scooped, showing a glimpse of her belly on each side. Three small rings rode diagonally high across her hips to the bikini cut rear of the suit and another two rings held the straps of the halter in place around the smooth lines of her neck.

Joyce barely held in her laughter as Xander swallowed heavily, his fingers quickly turning to the next page in the album; where he swallowed heavily once again. This photo was one of her and it was definitely a nice feeling to see him reacting to her as well. It was his next comment that made her blush however. "Well, hello, Mrs Robinson."

Dawn playfully swatted him on the shoulder. "Xander! Quit perving on my mom."

Xander playfully flinched away from Dawn and called to Joyce, "Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"

Dawn pounced on him, rolling him to his back on the couch. "Bloody peasant!"

Xander turned pleading eyes toward Joyce. "Hear that? That's what I'm on about! Did you see her repressing me?" He then turned and growled at Dawn before his fingers leapt to her sides and danced across her ribs playfully.

Joyce grinned back at him, shelving her concerns for the evening as Xander lightheartedly had a tickle war with Dawn, to see which movie they were watching.

After Dawn was tickled nearly to the point of tears it was summarily determined that they would indeed be watching those 'silly English kniggits'.

The two tired teens cuddled together on the couch a bowl of popcorn between them, watching the film for roughly twenty minutes or so before they both fell asleep. Joyce smiled and covered the two with a blanket, taking the popcorn bowl to the kitchen before heading off to sleep herself.

oOo

Xander awakened the next morning from strawberry vanilla scented dreams to a number of sensations; he had a wave of brunette hair across his face, which incidentally was giving off the alluring scent, a pair of soft full breasts pressed against his stomach and a rather uncomfortable stiffness below them, against her belly.

Xander's eyes shot open. _'That's Dawn's belly! OhI'msodead, ohcrapohcrapohcrap!'_

His eyes quickly searched the room, desperate for anything that could get him out of his current situation; there were no cute fuzzy bunnies or crowbars present so he instead opted for action, sliding gently out from under Dawn and darting into the kitchen, not noticing Joyce or the big grin on her face as he muttered curses at his traitorous erection.

Dawn curled into the warm spot Xander left behind, giggling softly to herself as she watched him head out of the room before walking to the door and peering around the frame, her mom meeting her eyes with a playful grin.

Joyce called mirthfully to him, "What ever are you doing Xander?"

_'Panic, must hide the evidence!' _"Looking for the orange juice!" he quickly replied, his voice cracking a bit as he mentally pictured bug lady trying to mate with him. For some reason it just wasn't working!

Joyce tried to look concerned, but was really holding in her laughter. "The orange juice is already on the table."

"Milk! I meant milk … milk, milk, milk. Where's the milk?"

"You mean this?" Dawn called playfully as she sat down at the table, raising a glass of the white substance and sipped – leaving a white mustache of the liquid around her mouth.

Xander panicked calling out, "Bathroom!" and bolted from the room.

Joyce looked over at her beaming daughter. "That was cruel you know?"

Dawn grinned back, she could still almost feel him pressed against her as she busied herself pouring milk onto her cereal.

"Would you like some orange juice?" Dawn retorted raising an eyebrow at her mom.

Joyce had the good grace to look abashed for a moment before her face cleared and she said quietly to Dawn, "Be careful with him, he's a nice young man."

Dawn effected a hurt tone, "Shouldn't you be warning me about boys?"

Joyce just raised an eyebrow and grinned at her daughter before going back to her paper. "Fine!" Dawn retorted before playfully storming from the room, sticking her head back in past the door frame. "Love you." she called fondly.

"You too, dear," Joyce responded happy that her daughter was out of her slump from earlier in the summer.

oOo

Xander leaned briefly with immense boredom against the counter. He had cleaned up the mess from the encounter the night before and just finished hanging the replacement mirror; he was now delegated to marking down clearance items with a price gun. Thankfully the manager was 'in the know' so to speak, and hadn't fired him for the incident with the three guys and the shape changing demon.

None of that alleviated his boredom however. Customers were coming into the store and browsing in a slow trickle; no one had purchased anything since he started his shift and even watching the pretty college coeds didn't seem to take the edge off his tedium. For some reason his mind kept wandering back to Dawn, whether it was due to the swimsuit picture or the embarrassing moment this morning when he'd awoken with her atop him he wasn't sure.

_'And that isn't a problem I'm going to focus on – obsessing about Dawnie in a swimsuit really isn't good for my mental health; and doing anything about it wouldn't be good for my health in general! The Buffinator really wouldn't approve.'_

Moments later the black guy from the evening before came into the store, looking studiously at the ground; or anywhere other than the pretty coeds. "Come to replace that outfit from last night?" Xander asked curiously as he marked a sweater down 50%. _'Seriously, sweaters in August?'_

Forrest fairly well glared at him. "What was that thing last night? Something about it..."

As Forrest trailed off Xander asked, "Something about it?" He raised an eyebrow curiously, glad to take his mind off its earlier circular topic.

Forrest nodded. "That thing did this to me!"

Xander's eyebrow remained skyward. "Did what to you?"

Forrest glanced toward a pretty coed with spiky blue hair wandering through the walkway outside, and instantly his t-shirt was filled with a set of breasts that rivaled the girl's freely swaying ones.

Xander chuckled, smiling widely as he glanced down at the thin t-shirt now stretched across his visitor's adornments. "..."

"My eyes are up here!" Forrest snapped.

"So, you're replicating PMS too? I can see where that would cause a problem." He returned to his markdowns to avoid laughing, _'$14.99 down from $19.99...'_

Forrest sighed, crossing his arms and leaning against the shelving, facing resolutely away from the grinning Scooby with the price gun. "Can you help me with this? I've grown breasts four times today, it happens every time I see a nice pair!"

"You mean you really don't know?" Xander asked incredulously, placing the price gun atop a stack of jeans as he fingered the small amulet around his neck that Giles had provided after the incident with Buffy going telepathic.

"Maybe I just want to know what you know..." Forrest replied unconvincingly.

Xander grinned, seeing right through his ploy. "Sometimes when demons bleed on humans, they transfer a portion of their abilities along with the usually glowing mess."

Forrest huffed noncommittally at this information, filing it away for later consideration.

"There's generally a way to remove the effects, although in your case they may prove useful if you can learn to control them."

"Wait a minute! In my case? Why aren't you growing boobs every time a fox walks by? You got covered in blood too." Forrest whispered angrily.

"When … a friend experienced the effects of a demonic aspect we worked out a means of preventing the issue."

"What about dealing with a problem that's already there?"

"That's harder, although with some research something should be possible. Although wouldn't you like to experiment with it for a bit first?" Xander asked voice full of mirthful enthusiasm and curiosity.

"Normally, owning a pair of these could be said to be every guy's dream, but if I have to have them, I'd much rather have control over when and where not to mention how I got them."

Xander nodded, pondering how best to handle the situation; Forrest had seemed to take orders from another person in their merry band of overgrown taser wielding misfits and they'd used military hand signals.

"I'll see if I can get in touch with Mr. Wizard about your problem, I'm not sure if he's in town," Xander finally responded after a bit of thought, after all it wasn't good manners to lead an unknown to someone's home and possibly cause them problems.

"Wait out here, I need to go use the phone," Xander said, heading back into the manager's office, where he motioned toward the phone curiously; the manager nodded, looking out at the black guy from the other evening and going to watch the counter while Xander made his call.

oOo

Giles picked up the phone after placing a final nick knack into its proper place in a box nearby.

"Hello? What? Really? When did this happen?" he asked curiously as he polished his glasses.

"Of course, bring him by this evening when your shift is over, no – it's nice of you to think of it, but I don't mind. I'm going to be moving into a larger place this weekend anyway, and this sounds like quite the pickle."

Setting the phone back into its cradle Giles began sorting through his books for the proper volumes with renewed enthusiasm.

oOo

With a smile Xander headed back to the counter, nodding to the manager as he resumed his post. "Where's the black guy that was out here? Bald, well built guy?"

"Oh, he's over there in the changing room; said he'd be back out in a minute," the manager called as he went back to the office to finish some paperwork.

True enough, moments later Forrest returned from the changing room, no longer sporting an unfettered pair of C-Cups.

Xander grinned. "Had to go examine the equipment?" he quipped playfully, earning another glare from the quite obviously military young man.

"No..." Forrest growled. "I went to avoid the over curious eyes of your manager."

Xander shrugged nonchalantly. "Don't worry about him, he's in the know; most Sunnydale natives just repress weird shit. This place has a worse death rate than most major cities and yet people still move in. Less than half the kids in my preschool class survived to graduate high school."

Forrest blanched, his face turning near white with the revelation of that particular tidbit of information. Xander could almost see the gears turning in his head as he tried to digest it.

"Giles is hitting the books currently, trying to find out whatever information he can about your problem. We'll be able to go see him when my shift is over in a couple of hours. If you're going to stick around you're going to have to make yourself useful however." Xander picked up the price gun, waving it somewhat menacingly toward Forrest who chuckled wryly.

"You've given me a lot to think about, how about I meet you here when your shift ends? Eight wasn't it?" Forrest asked curiously, only for Xander to nod in measured fashion. Shaking hands the two parted ways until later on in the evening.

_'So, he knows when my shift ends and never asked... Bet he didn't mean to drop that particular tidbit of information,' _Xander mused as he continued his pricing, glancing at the sheet occasionally as he moved from row to row through the merchandise.

oOo

Xander climbed into the black SUV, glancing through the vehicle as he did so and then over at Forrest who was wearing sunglasses in the driver's seat. "Bit late for those innit?" he asked inquisitively as he noted the hard case in the rear under the back seat.

Forrest chuckled, but didn't remove the shades and Xander dropped the topic as the man didn't seem to be impaired driving with the lenses.

Xander rode in silence for a bit, aside from giving directions to Forrest as he drove the vehicle.

"So, tasers … not exactly impressive weapons for demon slaying."

Forrest glared over the top of his sunglasses, unfortunately the guy had nothing on Angelus. "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."

Xander swallowed as if Forrest had successfully intimidated him. "Right, classified I got it."

"But still, tasers? I mean, really?"

Forrest growled as he watched the road. "Who said anything about slaying?"

Xander blinked. "You mean you were trying to **catch** the demon?" he asked incredulously. "Why the hell would you try and **catch** a demon?"

"That I can't tell you," Forrest allowed, sighing as he looked at the road. He personally couldn't afford to alienate the guy, he was the only link to the necessary information to stop him from growing breasts every few minutes... He also couldn't share Initiative secrets with the young man either, so would have to tread carefully with his companion.

_'Curiouser and curiouser, he's as much as admitted he's with the military, and evidently they didn't exactly share much information with their grunts if they even have access to it. We'll have to be careful how much we say in front of these guys.'_ Xander pondered as they pulled into the parking lot at Giles' apartment complex.

After the vehicle was parked Xander turned to Forrest and stated seriously, "Now, I have to warn you, Giles is a bit … British, but you'll get used to it."

Moments later the two had arrived at the door, and their knock was met almost instantly. "Yes? Oh, hello Xander. So, is this the young man with the condition?" Giles asked inquisitively.

Xander nodded and smiled as Giles motioned them inside before heading into the kitchen. "Tea anyone?"

"Giles – Forrest, Forrest – Giles. You know how I feel about that stuff, how about you?" Xander said, looking at Forrest curiously.

"Indeed I do, Xander, your preferences in drinking a bit of tea with your sugar are quite abhorrent," Giles said with a smile from the kitchen.

Forrest shook his head as well, while looking at the boxes stacked on nearly every available surface curiously.

"Of course, I should know better than to offer tea to you Americans anyway; you'd probably off and toss it in the harbor..." Giles murmured to himself. "In any case, can you explain exactly which aspect you seem to have acquired?" Giles asked as he sat with tea in hand, passing a cup that looked suspiciously like hot chocolate to Xander and motioned for them to do the same.

Quickly moving some boxes to the floor both Xander and Forrest sat down as well, Forrest taking off his sunglasses and looking at Xander mutely for help; seemingly at a loss for words when asked to describe his peculiar situation.

Xander with a wicked grin pulled a picture of Cordelia in a nearly translucent bikini from his wallet and showed it to Forrest who in turn gained a rather interesting set of new attributes.

"Quite nice, but what does that have to do with anything?" Giles asked, looking at the photo curiously. "Miss Chase is a lovely young lady, but I fail to see what she has to do with this situation."

Xander grinned like the Cheshire Cat and pointed at Forrest's new attributes.

"Oh; how delightful, a nonlethal problem. Not at all like our previous encounter with transferred aspects."

"Delightful? Look at these! You call these delightful?" Forrest exclaimed angrily.

Giles glared at Xander just as his mouth opened and he was about to comment. "Yes, there is almost no chance that you'll die from them. It may be easier to control this aspect than to remove it. You're quite fortunate to have received a beneficial transference," Giles said, giving Forrest a steady look while polishing his glasses.

"I don't really care either way as long as I stop doing this every time I see a pair!" Forrest hefted his new breasts in his hands and jiggled them for emphasis, while Xander broke into a coughing fit trying to avoid laughing.

Giles nodded as he leaned over and retrieved an item from within a sliding drawer in his end table. "I was able to create a charm which should artificially control demonic abilities while you wear it. I'm afraid I'll need more time and information to come up with a cure and it would possibly be simpler to teach you how to control it."

"You're a witch?" Forrest asked hesitantly.

"Sorcerer, though mostly non-practicing at the moment. You seem very well informed on certain matters, might one ask where you acquired your information?"

"He'll only tell us under threat of large amounts of bodily harm," Xander quipped. "He and his buddies were trying to catch the demon that caused all this."

"Capture? Why on Earth would you want to do that?"

"That's what I said." Xander nodded sagely.

Forrest sighed. "I can't tell you that, will you help me or not?"

Giles studied the dark skinned youth intently for a moment before nodding. "I'll need some samples; blood, skin, tissue... We may need to run some tests as well."

"Is this going to be a while?" Xander asked inquisitively. "I've got movie night with Dawnie and I'll be forced to either tickle her into submission or watch whatever she puts in before I get there."

Giles turned back to Xander with a smile. "What? Oh, of course. Please give the ladies my regards."

Xander grinned and stood up, nodding to Giles. "You two stay out of trouble, and Forrest don't be afraid to tell me if he touches you inappropriately."

Giles turned to glare over his shoulder as Xander approached the door. "Good night Xander," he said firmly but with a smile.

oOo

Xander stuffed his hands into his pockets as he headed away from Giles' apartment. _'Xander 1, Giles 0 – I'm still ahead on points.'_ He chuckled as he continued onward, his stomach growling as he walked. _'Right, forgot to get something to eat dealing with the Forrest issue.' _His face scrunched up in thought as he briefly worried about Giles. _'Eh, he's been taking care of himself this long – besides I'd like to see what Ripper would do if Forrest tried anything.'_

Xander grinned a bit before frowning as another thought came to him, his eyes misting briefly. _'Cordy...' _He blinked away the irritating moisture. _'She'd forgiven jocks for worse than the kissing that Willow and I got up to... Wonder where she is now? Probably in LA working as some sort of actress by now; that was her dream.'_

He attempted to shake the maudlin thoughts away, but then another in the chain of personal relationship disasters sprung up. _'Willow ...'_ First best friend then brief kissing partner... A slow grin spread across his face, and his eyes gazed into the past for a moment before he resolutely shook his head. _'No! Bad Xander, Willow has Oz and Oz has Willow and you're happy for them.'_

The last and latest of his relationship disasters, that didn't include the various monsters sprang to mind, as he reached behind him at the small of his back and caressed the hilt of his blade reassuring himself it was still there. He'd been carrying it constantly for so long it was almost a part of him. _'Faith, I wish I could have gotten through to you... Sheila's saved my life, but like all the others I almost wish ... I'd still trade her for a working relationship with you.'_

Stopping briefly on the sidewalk Xander lapsed into thought, jumping in shock when Joyce's voice snapped him out of his reverie, "Xander!" Joyce snapped. "You know walking around on the Hellmouth at night unarmed is a bad idea."

"Joyce!" Xander blinked and whirled to face her. "Don't sneak up on me like that."

"Xander, I've been tailing you for the last half hour; you seemed like you were wandering around in a daze," Joyce said worriedly, opening the passenger side door. "Are you still coming to your movie date with Dawn?"

Xander blinked and leaned into the Jeep, propping on the seat and proceeding to divest himself of a small arsenal of weaponry; a small pistol, two wooden knives and a long lovingly cared for blade – almost as an afterthought he pulled a rosary within his shirt. "As you can see, I'm not unarmed Mrs. Summers."

Joyce blinked in stunned fashion for a moment, taking in all the weapons he'd pulled from various places around his person. "But to answer your question, yes I was still planning on coming unless something's come up..."

She smiled and patted the seat. "Get in, I'll give you a ride, while you tell me what you were thinking about so hard that you were nearly oblivious for half an hour."

Xander nodded, climbing into the seat willingly enough. "Well, honestly I was thinking about my dating history... and all the various disasters therein."

Joyce glanced over at him encouragingly. "Have you talked to anyone about it?"

Xander shrugged. "Who would I talk to? Buffy and Willow are dead set against me dating anyone, probably because of the number of times we've had to kill who I'm dating and Giles … well, he's British."

Joyce glared at him a bit with an arched eyebrow. "I'm sure Giles would be more than willing to listen if you asked."

"I'm pretty sure the dating rules are different over in the land of tweed and crumpets. The only thing I've heard about dating when he was my age is that apparently I'm too young to hear his stories."

Joyce grinned and laughed warmly, smiling over at Xander. "I understand that he was rather wild in his youth before the tweed grew in, and while that was an excellent attempt to derail the topic don't think you're getting off that easily."

Xander winced a bit and ran his hand through his hair nervously. "Where would I start? It seems like one stream of disasters after another."

"A good place to start is always the beginning, who was the first girl you dated?" she continued as she made an abrupt turn and headed toward the Doublemeat Palace when Xander's stomach rumbled like a pack of starving lions. "Did you even take time to eat since breakfast this morning?"

"Got involved with helping a friend with a problem, and completely forgot to eat. Five more minutes and I'd have been tempted to see how the vampires liked the locals eating them." He offered, trying to derail the conversation.

Joyce smacked him playfully on the arm. "Back to the topic at hand Xander."

While rubbing his arm Xander muttered something unintelligible about Summers girls and hitting him. "Well, I guess it all started with Miss French; the Biology teacher that turned out to be a female mantis demon looking for virgins to fertilize her eggs. I was chained up in the basement in my underwear for that one. Then came Ampata, your foreign exchange student who turned out to be an Incan Princess from long ago. She sacrificed her life to save her people and in the end sacrificed it again to save mine... All told a very sweet girl in a bad situation who really got the short end of the stick..." Xander trailed off in thought for a moment as Joyce placed an order for their dinner.

Xander chuckled self deprecatingly. "Then came Queen C, Sunnydale High School's very own Cordelia Chase. Very much above me in the social hierarchy, being the Queen of the School, while I was merely King of Cretins." Joyce glared at Xander but he continued onward either not noticing or ignoring the hairy eyeball, "I didn't even get the award for Class Clown, they awarded it to Jack Mayhew; lousy prop comic. Then came my bestest bud since forever, Willow, unfortunately those urges came on at the same time that we were with other people. She was researching a way to use magic to eliminate that problem, when everything went boom and Spike kidnapped the both of us."

Joyce looked over, and gently ran her hand down Xander's back soothingly. "Sounds like there are a lot of emotions tied up in those two..."

Xander ignored the prompt for him to expand any topic involving him, Willow and Cordelia continuing resolutely onward instead.

"Then came Faith, a force of nature... The third Slayer I've interacted with, and one I spent three memorable evenings with, two wonderful in their own fashion and one that ran completely true to form. Ah, the Harris luck with women; if I could bottle it I'd mix it with hair gel and slip it to Deadboy."

Joyce nodded, pulling into the driveway at 1630 Revello Drive. "Well, we're home... and unless you'd like to continue this topic with Dawn around instead of watching your movie this evening I suppose it'll have to wait a bit."

Xander nodded and they headed inside to lighter topics, like hamburgers and which chick flick Dawn was trying to convince him to watch now.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: 17 USC 107 means that legally I don't have to post a disclaimer, but as it is the traditional thing to do as well as being required by individual site rules I hereby declare that I own no portion of Abbot and Costello, True Lies or Buffy the Vampire (S)Layer. All property rights for everything aside from my story itself are retained by the title holders, which include Joss Whedon, 20th Century Fox and whoever the hell owns rights to Abbott and Costello, timeless geniuses that they are.

Author's Note: I'd like to thank dogbertcarroll without whom this chapter wouldn't be all that it is, and who kept me going after my muse took off for Bora Bora with my life savings and most of my brain matter. I'd also like to thank GML without whom a lot of the True Lies and Omega Sector material would be much more forced than it probably is, or very much later in coming.

Dawn reflected on her summer as she lounged in her room, her stereo playing quiet accompaniment to her thoughts as she bounced around in a t-shirt and panties. The temperature and privacy of her room decided her outfit. Besides, she and her mom were the only ones home anyway.

The summer had been slow, to the point of boredom really. Buffy hadn't been around aside from coming home to eat occasionally, which meant Willow wasn't around either... Right up until Xander had climbed up the tree to see her the night before. Unfortunately he had a job as well as Scooby duties which didn't leave her much time to spend with him. Only a few hours after dark to put any plans she had for him into action; and that was if he stopped by... She grinned happily as that had been happening steadily since he got back.

When they moved to Sunnydale she had still been too young and certainly too smart to have lost her virginity; or even really kissed a guy for that matter. After falling for Xander she'd summarily pledged herself to him as a certain notebook covered with Mrs Dawn Harris attested mutely to and had been able to concentrate solely on her studies as a result. She could rival Willow in some subjects due to that determination; unfortunately that left her with a rather gaping hole in her life where a certain boy was supposed to be.

This caused a number of problems; she couldn't talk to her sister or her mom about this. Buffy would go ballistic and her mom was so not happening in this lifetime. They were close, but not close enough to talk about her sex life ... or rather the lack of sex in her life.

The only other person who came to mind was Willow, and after she and Xander had shared smootches in their senior year it was impossible to talk to her about her new frustrations and the boy she was determined to take them out on. Right now what she really wanted was an orgasm, her whole body felt like it was vibrating with suppressed energy.

She tossed herself back onto her bed, slowing tuning out the world around her then reached toward her waist. She had only taken this particular desperate measure a few times, and always with one person in mind; and just her luck when she had given up fighting her urges and slid her hand under the waistband with a sigh her mother called up the stairs "Dawn?"

With an inelegant yelp she leapt off her bed and hit the floor with an ungraceful thud and an 'oomph' of expelled air from her lungs.

"Dawn, honey are you all right?" Her mom called worriedly, from what sounded like the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm fine mom!" She called back desperately, hoping her mom wasn't coming up to check on her.

"I'm heading out to meet a client, would you like me to pick up something for dinner on the way back?"

"That's fine mom!" She called back with some frustration coloring her tone.

"Alright honey, I'll see you later. I'm locking the door behind me."

She waited patiently for the door to close downstairs before inching her hand back down her abdomen, but by the time her hand reached her panties again she sighed and gave up. The mood was shot and now she was left with disappointment and wet panties. Privacy was really at a premium in a house with three women and only two restrooms; Buffy and her mom both liked to barge into her room although _'At least mom knocks first.'_ She reflected as she determined to cool off, heading toward the shower after grabbing some loose comfortable clothes to lounge around in.

oOo

Xander smiled wearily; his shoulders slumped as he approached a very familiar store, the doorbell cheerfully chiming as he entered causing the girl behind the counter surrounded by sweet smelling flowers to look up and smile "Hi Xander, still no improvement I'm guessing by the long face."

Xander nodded mutely to acknowledge her statement. "No real improvement, she just lays there... I thought I saw her smile once when I was talking to her; but still no signs of waking."

He watched intently as she gathered several yellow and pink roses and arranged them carefully in a wrapper "The vase is still in her room right, you don't need a new one?"

"Yeah, the only thing that changes is the bouquet..."

She nodded sadly, passing him the packet of flowers as he passed her two twenties. "Here's hoping she gets better."

Xander nodded and stepped out of the well lit warm ambiance of the flower shop onto the uncommonly windy streets of Sunnydale, shielding the flowers in his jacket as he headed toward the hospital.

It was a brief few minute walk to get to the hospital and he used it to reflect on what brought him there, thoughts of Faith and the problems brought along by circumstance and their own teenage angst. i_'We really didn't do well by her, but she was just too good at hiding what was going on with her.'_/i Xander frowned angrily to himself and headed inside.

Inside the bright sterile building the strong smell of disinfectant hit him like a tidal wave causing him to frown a bit and shake his head.

The duty nurse at the desk looked up at him and smiled ruefully "Back again dear?"

Xander smiled a bit, brandishing the fresh bouquet of flowers. The nurse smiled, this time with genuine happiness before telling him "She still hasn't awakened, but she isn't getting any worse."

Xander nodded "That's about what I figured, but holding ground is better than getting worse by a long shot." i_'Especially since I wouldn't put it past the Council to try and arrange for another Slayer to be called.'_/i he growled mentally as he continued back to Faith's room, a flash of green appearing deep within his otherwise brown eyes for a moment as his anger surged.

As Xander entered the room he forced his anger down, his eyes immediately shooting toward the occupant of the bed with her hair splayed across the pillow and no expression on her pretty face and sighed. "Hi Faith. Its Xander again, I keep stopping by hoping that somewhere in there you're hearing this."

Faith seemed to smile almost, her hand twitching just a little as he sat and gripped it gently in one of his, the other busily replacing the wilted flowers from the vase beside her bed with the fresh ones. The scent of roses filled the air as he moved them about somewhat clumsily while removing them from the wrapper one handed. "I brought you some flowers..."

"Dawn and Joyce send their best wishes..." Xander trailed off, looking sad and brought her hand up to his lips. "I really miss having you around you know?" He intoned ruefully.

He used his other hand to gently stroke a wayward piece of hair off her face, trailing his thumb across her chapped lips. An orderly and a nurse passing by in the hall looked into the room; the orderly softly continuing his conversation with the nurse "He comes in every week, sometimes twice or three times depending on how long the flowers last. He really must love her."

The nurse nodded, "He's been doing it ever since she was brought in. Hope she wakes up soon, for his sake if nothing else. She must be very special for him to be this devoted to her. He hates this place, has ever since he was a little kid."

Xander ignored the two gossiping hospital personnel, releasing Faith's hand long enough to pull out some lip balm and gently rubbed it into her lips. "We didn't do right by you the first time around ... we were all so wrapped up with our own little High School melodrama... It wasn't your fault that Finch jumped out at you in the middle of patrol, trying to kill Angel I've never blamed you for; it might have been better if you had actually succeeded, though you could have used a better method that way you didn't wind up here."

Xander sighed, continuing to chatter with her about the happenings in his life with some resolve. "I killed this strange shapeshifting demon the other day, bet the gang would be really surprised at the Zeppo being able to hold his own... All that patrolling with you was good for more than just my self esteem I guess. Dawn and Joyce missed me this summer at least... You'll never believe how I got my car fixed up on the Great American road trip that never made it past Oxnard...If you'll believe it I took up a job as a stripper for a while; it all started innocently enough with washing dishes at the club... Then one of the guys broke his ankle up on stage. I'll never forget that first night; sweating my ass off so much I didn't need to be oiled for the looks, and so nervous my hands wouldn't stop shaking. The women cheering me on and the money they stuffed into that tiny g-string were a big ego boost though."

Faith twisted a bit as Xander continued talking and called out in a voice very unlike the cocky self assured Slayer he had come to know fairly well, "Dad? Gib? Where are you?" Shocked, Xander glanced over to see that her heart rate had spiked which caused several alarms to sound. But it gradually shifted back down as she changed positions. He looked quickly toward the doorway, expecting to see a team of doctors and nurses rushing to check on her because of the alarm.

Xander's thoughts raced as he watched her slow even breathing, knowing she likely would wake up soon; if you didn't put a Slayer down permanently she'd likely come back from near deadly wounds without complications. Faith was different though, she was the first Slayer he'd ever read about who'd been in a coma.

He needed to know who he could trust, and what exactly was in her file to do in case she ever woke up. He'd waited this long for her, and he'd be damned if he was going to let the Council have her without saying his piece first.

Buffy had been just as much at fault as Faith in the Deputy Mayor's demise, and was easy to blame for the reactions of the rest of the Scooby Gang through her influence over Willow...Giles should have been more prepared to help her, collateral damage had to have happened before. But everyone pretty much dropped the ball with Faith. Xander sighed ruefully i_'Although it would have helped if I had been trying to catch the damn thing without a blindfold.'_/i

After a few moments more of silence Xander leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead, "Get better soon Faith, we miss you." he then stalked out of the room and toward the duty nurse's station. Anxiety caused him to hurry his strides and he put his hands on the counter firmly and looked her directly in the eyes, practically radiating worry. "Claire, is there anything in Faith's file for when she wakes up?"

Claire looked at Xander sympathetically, "Honestly, we don't expect her to wake up sweetheart... But I'll check for you." She turned and pulled out a file from a nearby file cabinet after some searching. After opening the file she looked up at him "There's no one on file here to notify..."

"But, I just heard her speak..." Xander trailed off.

Claire gently took his hand in both of hers "Oh, honey I know... Hope is a powerful thing, if you'd like I'll put you in the file as the person to contact. You're the only one who seems to care about her. Mayor Wilkins paid for her care, but now that he's gone..."

Xander sighed softly, "Maybe I was mistaken... Thanks Claire, please do." Xander rattled off his cell phone number for her after removing it from a clip on his belt to check the number; he'd only gotten the phone a few days ago and hadn't had the chance to memorize the number yet. His next project was to get the rest of the Scoobs to acquire them, they needed a method of communication that was as mobile as they had to be.

oOo

A nondescript white van drove up to the University of California: Sunnydale Campus and then after stopping at the red light the two men continued onward. "They've got that place sewed up tighter than a flea's asshole." A large slightly overweight man with a Mighty Duck's hat on said to his companion, a man with very curly hair who looked to be of Mediterranean descent.

"Yeah, and they've been setting up cameras all over the place as if they own this town."

"Nice of them to do your work for you, huh Faisil?"

The curly haired man, grinned and chuckled revealing even white teeth. "Yes, although it does make it problematic for us to park anywhere and do surveillance. You're going to have to keep driving about while I rig a few things. Speaking of rigging things, since we can't get into their headquarters unseen – are we moving to known associates?" Faisil looked over at Gib questioningly as he pulled into the parking lot of the Espresso Pump.

"Gib..." he growled warningly as the overweight man turned to him.

Gib grinned wickedly "Double latte with mocha sprinkles, extra foam and a shot of chocolate. Also one cinnamon raisin bagel, lightly toasted with strawberry cream cheese." he intoned with a twinkle in his eye.

Faisil growled and flexed his hands claw like toward his throat "One of these days Gib, one of these days..." he muttered as he climbed down out of the van and headed inside.

Some ten minutes later he returned, a drink carrier in one hand and a bag in the other. "So, why am I the gofer?"

Gib grinned as he took the drink carrier of hot coffee away from him so he could climb back up into the van. "Because, you're the intern."

"I haven't been an intern for four years damn it!"

"You're still the one with the least seniority on the team. If I die, or Harry retires or something then you can order around the new guy."

"Well, you are still smoking." Faisil smiled and grabbed his cappuccino and a cruller from the bag.

Gib just chuckled. "Hasn't killed me yet, besides you get nearly as much smoke as I do. You're in the van too after all..."

Faisil grinned, "Yeah, what happened to Harry being in the van for a while?" he quipped without a moment's hesitation.

Gib glared at him, but there was no rancor in it. "Right, back to the topic at hand... That Harris kid is a known associate of the black guy, so lets track him down first."

"Easier done than said my friend, since I already did that." Faisil handed him a folder after removing it from a bag behind his seat.

Gib frowned, looking over the information presented by the medical file and other information in the folder "This isn't good, the kid has a medical history going all the way back to before he was in gradeschool."

Faisil shrugged "What of it, kids get hurt playing all the time."

Gib paused thoughtfully as he lit a cigarette. "Yeah maybe, what else did you find when you checked him out."

Faisil waved the smoke away, opening the sunroof with a brief glare at Gibs who summarily ignored it. "Well, I bugged his house; he seems to live in the basement by the way."

Gib grinned, "Easier to sneak girls in and out that way. So long as it has its own access door."

Faisil snorted. "It does, the really interesting stuff I found behind a panel in the closet however."

Gib raised an eyebrow, "And what precisely did you find?"

"Kid evidently thinks he's Abraham Van Helsing; he's got body armor, holy water, wooden knives, a battle axe, a sword and a pump crossbow. Then we get to the interesting stuff; his grades might not show it but he's evidently literate in several languages. Including Klingon.

"There are books from all over the world in there. Old strange books at that... Latin, Arabic, Sanskrit, Sumerian... Some that I really didn't recognize, neither did the computer."

"Then we get to the stuff that would give us real cause for worry; he's got an M16A3, an M4 Carbine, two MP5 submachine guns with all the hardware necessary to change them from one style to another, various pistols, and last but not least a LAW."

"You gotta be shittin' me. Where the hell did he get all that stuff?"

Faisil chuckled, "That's not all, evidently our Mr. Harris is in the Special Forces."

Gib's cigarette fell to the floorboard, "He's what? The kid's eighteen. Are black ops operatives getting younger or am I just getting older?"

"It checks out, he's in the system. Evidently he was assigned to Sunnydale; so he may be with the Initiative ... or not. I haven't seen him getting orders on their camera feed. Cornpone even reamed the black guy a new one for talking to him."

Gib quickly retrieved his cigarette which had been smoking on the carpet. "So, we have a teenager in the Special Forces who doesn't report to the Initiative command structure, and he's assigned to Sunnydale; you mean he's assigned to the Sunnydale Naval Weapons Depot?"

Faisil grinned again, he loved it when he could shock either of his elder team mates. "Nope, just says he's assigned to Sunnydale. He's not getting orders from the brass at the base or the brass at the college. He's working at the GAP of all places."

"Unless of course he's working for us and Trilby didn't tell us." Gib growled out.

Faisil shook his head "He hasn't done that since the incident in Morocco when Helen nearly gelded that guy from other team."

Gib blinked, a slightly horrified look on his face, "You don't think he's one of Kinsey's NiD idiots do you?"

"Nah, kid looks bright enough to chew bubblegum and walk at the same time. Besides, wasn't it Kinsey's signature that started the whole investigation behind the Initiative? None of the Initiative guys have heard of the kid, so while he could be an NiD plant Kinsey's never been bright enough to have a backup in place before. He's always been arrogant enough to assume his plans will go off without a hitch, despite a multitude of previous failures."

Faisil nodded, "Sounds about right for Kinsey."

Gib blinked, looking back down at the file. "Wait a minute! You said he had all that stuff that looked like he thinks he's Van Helsing, what the hell would a black ops operative need all that comic book stuff for; and how do you know he speaks Klingon?"

"A Japanese trade delegation insisted we use it as a trade language once, so I also speak Klingon. Personally I think they were just screwing with us."

"You actually talked to Harris?" Gib blinked in stupefied fashion, "When did you talk to Harris, and why did you use Klingon?"

"He was cursing in it at the time." Faisil responded.

"But when and why were you talking to Harris?" Gib asked again, almost growling this time.

"We met at a Star Trek convention over the summer." Faisil replied with a grin. "I never would have guessed any of this about him, except for maybe the Van Helsing stuff. Xander hit the convention while he was in town investigating an unusual series of animal attacks; or so I gathered from his cursing."

Gib glared at his younger companion, "You're enjoying doling this information out with an eyedropper aren't you?"

"Almost as much as you enjoyed that blow job in Marrakesh." Faisil smirked and playfully saluted Gibs.

"Harry said he would never tell anyone about that!"

"We all knew about that, the boss has a video tape of it – I think he's saving it for the next time you ask for a raise."

"So you're saying I should ask for a raise soon, so he'll blow it when I wasn't going to ask for one in the first place. Or I can let him think he has the upper hand … because … oh, he does."

Something started beeping in the back of the van, causing Faisil to dart back into the rear. "We have movement on Harris."

Gib blinked, "You bugged Harris?"

"No, I sold him his new phone. Came with a guaranteed thirty day transponder straight to my laptop; we'll know wherever he is, and even have records of any conversation he has on it. He's leaving the hospital now, heading back toward his house."

oOo

Xander dialed Joyce as he walked out of the Hospital, heading home. His cell phone chiming as he waited for her to pick up on the other end.

Joyce felt her lap vibrate and soon answered her cell phone after checking the unfamiliar number. "Hello?"

"Guess who?" Xander said playfully into his phone as he continued walking.

"Xander? I didn't know you had my cell number, until my lap started vibrating that is..."

"Why Joyce, I had no idea you felt that way." Xander quipped happily, talking to one of his favorite women in the world.

"Why, you know you're my favorite gentleman caller."

"I aim to please, but of course from here out the call is $4.95 a minute... Mrs. Robinson." Xander replied, happily engaging in lighthearted flirting.

"Of course, my credit card number is... 5789-7..."

Xander burst out laughing, interrupting her after the first three digits. "Thanks, I needed that."

"Why are you calling Xander? Is Buffy in trouble?"

"No, your fair haired daughter is fine."

"Well, something had to make you call; you generally stop by when you want to talk."

"I was just visiting Faith." Xander sighed, his tone notably dropping.

"No improvement?" Joyce asked sympathetically.

"Slight improvement, its only a matter of time. Slayers are like that although the doctors haven't noticed. That's what prompted the call actually."

"Shouldn't you talk to Giles about it? Isn't he …?"

"No; he's pretty much focused on Buffy." Xander said with some bitterness. "Faith was pretty much on her own with no backup until I started patrolling with her."

Joyce frowned, she couldn't claim to know everything about that part of her daughter's life. After the Angel fiasco her daughter hadn't been very open about any part of her life – however she certainly hadn't mentioned any problems with Faith. "Buffy didn't back her up at all?"

"At first she did... But she spent most of her time "patrolling" with Angel."

"Oh... him..." Joyce intoned, her disapproval clear in her voice.

Xander nodded, although Joyce couldn't see him. "Have I ever mentioned how much I wish..."

Xander quickly interrupted her before she could finish the statement. "Wishes are b**bad**/b." He said fervently.

She nodded and replied, "How about an intense desire that you had accidentally driven something sharp and wooden into his chest when you first met?"

"Ah... Hindsight." He intoned. "Then again, that covers that... Seconds after meeting him I wanted to drive something sharp and wooden into his chest. As a matter of fact I requested the possibility of such and was summarily denied. They told me I had to play nice with him or it would be added to my permanent record that I was a bad boy." Xander trailed off playfully.

Joyce laughed happily, smiling at a customer who entered the gallery and began to browse. "So, what in particular did you want to discuss about Faith?"

"As soon as she wakes up we need to bring her in out of the cold. Instead of leaving her out there to fend for herself like she has been this whole time. We need to provide a safe home for her."

"Since Buffy has moved on to college, I believe she could take her spot." Joyce said quietly, nodding to the browsing customer.

"Ah? Somebody listening in? Nothing I need to come by and take care of?" Xander asked curiously.

"I doubt they'll get anything useful, but you know how it is. I wouldn't say they're hostile, just uninformed."

"Ah, no slayage then. I guess we'll have to discuss this in person later, its time for patrol." Xander said.

"Xander, be careful; you know its chilly out there and we'd be heartbroken if anything happened to you."

"Aww, thanks Mrs. S."

"How many times have I told you to call me Joyce?"

"At least one less than was required." Xander quipped happily.

"Well, you have fun and come back to our place and we'll bandage you up before dinner."

Xander grinned "Sure thing Joyce, have a good day."

"You too." She returned happily and ended the call.

oOo

Faisil turned to Gib, "Not only is he traveling, he's making a call. Going to audio." he said as he slipped his headphones on over his ears, Gib mirroring the action as he climbed into the back.

"Gentleman caller? That's gotta be a recognition code, nobody says things like that anymore. Its too old fashioned."

"Four nine five, five seven eight; yep, you're right its gotta be a code." Faisil responded.

"Buffy – fair haired daughter, nobody names their kid Buffy; people name their dogs Buffy. It sounds like something someone would call a toy poodle. Fair haired daughter is at least obvious, it refers to their top agent." Gib muttered.

"Slayer? That must be the generic term for wet work in their organization." Faisil nodded, taking down their suppositions. "Most of the time she's "patrolling with Angel". Hey! They've got a Gib too." The junior operative teased his older team mate. "Apparently they really don't like Angel. They're talking about him like Trilby talks about you!"

"They don't talk about me like that. Do they?" Gib responded, looking hurt.

"I don't quite recall, maybe I'd remember if I weren't so tired from running after coffee all the time. Accidentally driving something sharp and wooden into his chest when they first met, oh yeah they're definitely talking about you. Its almost like they know we're here."

"Bring her in out of the cold – ooh! Exposed agent... Safe house... Wait! Listening in, shit I think they made us."

"No way! We have the newest technology available, it was made specifically for Omega Sector!" Faisil denied.

"Somebody listening in, nothing I need to come by and take care of... Yep, they definitely made us! If anybody was ever made, we were made. Either they made us or we're in an Abbot and Costello comedy skit and I haven't heard who's on first yet. I wouldn't say they're hostile, just uninformed …" Gib continued...

"Uninformed, yep, they know you're here." Faisil poked Gib in the side.

"Mrs S. He slipped! At least he's not perfect..."

Faisil responded, "He didn't go for a blow job in the middle of a mission."

"We can't know that for sure! She's inviting him to dinner? Trilby never invites us to dinner! Think I should ask for an invite to dinner and see if he'd waste the video on that?"

Faisil slapped his forehead. "You. Need. Help."

"Well I tried seeing a "therapist" but she charged too much on her hourly rates."

"Right, a therapist..."

"She made me feel better!"

"Hope you didn't put that on your expense account."

"Why, you think anyone will check? I was off the clock! Patch into the cameras and see if they get him on patrol, I don't think trying to follow him would be a good idea at this point." Gib noted, trying to bring the conversation back to the topic at hand.

oOo

Forrest, Graham and Riley along with many other males sat around a large television watching several split screens and drinking beer. Riley smiled, looking down at his beer and intoned happily, "God bless the Army."

Graham chuckled then pointed at a corner of the screen, "Hey, isn't that your boy Harris in Oakfield Cemetary?"

"Your boy Harris? Is there something you want to tell us, we'll understand; we wont shower with you anymore but we'll understand." Riley grinned, poking fun at his black comrade.

"Holy shit; that is Harris! He's out there alone with a crossbow." Forrest stated in shock.

"And he made fun of our glorified tasers? At least our weapons were invented this century." One of the guys noted from behind the couch where he was leaning and watching the action as Forrest zoomed in on that feed.

Xander was warily leaning against a headstone watching a fresh grave, a crossbow in his hands. None of the watching "fraternity guys" noted the laser sight on the weapon or the fact that Xander was wearing web gear with a black laminate chest piece underneath.

A moment later they all watched curiously as a red dot appeared on the grave roughly where the chest of the person buried inside would be. Xander was muttering about exactly how inconsiderate teenybopper vampires were and how much they screwed up his schedule. However, to everyone there it seemed as if he was speaking in some sort of code as he was speaking Klingon, and cursing with a vengeance.

"You sure that boy's human? That ain't no language I've ever heard." A voice stated from a lazy boy to the left of the TV.

Forrest replied, "Well he's human unless they let demons into Sunnydale High School and he walks around during the day..."

As they chatted a lovely female figure tore her way from the earth, a snarl on her elfin face and dirt in her long dark hair. Xander blinked then centered the crossbow and the red dot lined up over her left breast and with a soft thump and an extremely surprised look the female vamp slowly turned to ash as he racked the pump on his crossbow back and another bolt fell into place.

One of the men watching called "Look out behind you!" causing Riley to turn irritably and glare at him.

"You know, he can't hear a damn word you're saying."

The man thoroughly unapologetic replied, "Yeah I do it at horror movies too, whats your point?"

Four vamps quickly stepped out from the surrounding area. "Shit man, your boy is toast; sorry but we couldn't reach him in time to help even if we had been running since we first tuned in."

Forrest nodded silently, respecting the man who was about to give his all in front of their very eyes.

"As if we needed one more reason to kill all those fuckers." Graham piped up angrily.

"He ain't dead yet." The guy who called out to people in horror movies replied. "I'll put fifty down on him coming out of this alive. He went in knowing what he was facing, I'd say he has some trick or other up his sleeve."

Much quiet betting took place in the background as Forrest watched his eyes glued to the screen.

"Now that wasn't very nice, do you know how hard it was to lure that girl away from the rest of her little friends and turn her?"

Xander turned, the bolt from his crossbow flying wildly to strike one of the vampires ineffectively in the shoulder just before it was knocked from his hand by the enraged bloodsucker. "Five for one sale, groovy." Xander snarled, his earlier bad mood returning with a vengeance; this time with valid targets to take it out on. "You know what I told Angelus right?" he asked rhetorically of the big vamp seemingly in the lead.

"What? A little pipsqueak like you faced Angelus?"

"Oh no, you can't dust him Xander he's got a soul." Xander muttered angrily before continuing, "Yeah I faced down Sir Broods-a-lot, and I told him just like I'm telling you; you're going to die... and I'm going to be there." Xander said firmly, "And since you're already here, it doesn't look like we have to wait anymore." Xander grinned ferally all the while hoping they bought it, he didn't want to disappoint Dawn by not showing up this evening. Besides the hospital sucked – a lot.

The vampires weren't buying it, instead closing in much closer than he preferred.

"So, why are you betting on the kid anyway?" Riley turned to the man who started the betting pool.

"He looks like Bruce Campbell, and ain't no way my man Bruce going down to four measly leeches."

A massive blow from the lead vamp sent Xander crashing across a headstone, the impact cracking the marble. "Man, sorry to take your money but no way is anything human getting up from that, it had to have snapped his spine."

Xander's reappearance from behind the tombstone a few seconds later came as a complete shock, as did the nine inch blade in one hand and a strange blunt spear-like weapon he had in the other.

"I say again, ain't no way he's human."

Forrest blinked, wondering exactly where Xander had learned to hold a knife in CQC position.

The vampire focused entirely on the knife, ignoring the strange blunt tipped steel club in his other hand – right up until it was pressed into its chest with explosive consequences. "This is my Boom Stick!" Xander called as the leading vamp became nothing more than dust in the wind.

"Bruce! Bruce! Bruce!" Chanted the guy who started the betting pool as Xander moved the piece of steel into position to block with.

"If I'm going, I'm damn well going to have company in hell with me."

The three stunned vamps dodged as he threw the strange metal weapon he called a boom stick, completely forgetting him in their urge to escape as he swiftly drew a wooden knife from his web gear.

"Another fifty bucks says at some point he says yo shebitch lets go." Several people took the bet, whether because they didn't think he'd do it, or because they wanted to win back some of their money.

The nearest vampire to him learned the hard way that Xander wasn't helpless without his toys as the thin wooden blade of the knife in his right hand slid effortlessly between its ribs and into its heart. "Two down, two to go." He said with a feral snarl on his face. "It doesn't matter if you get me, you're coming with me."

One of the two remaining vamps replied "Fuck this, I didn't sign on to fight no crusader. I hear the pickings in LA are good this time of year." He turned tail and ran, leaving his final companion to face the crazy man alone. "You know, as vampires we're superior to humans; four times as strong, but most importantly four times as fast!"

The female vampire called out to her fleeing beau "He's only a human, he just got lucky; we can take him!"

In the frat house the guy who started all the betting was leaning forward and chanting, "Come on! Say it, say it!" as everyone else groaned, knowing exactly where their money was going.

Xander cracked his neck, twisting it from side to side and brushed a trail of blood from his busted lip with one and then made a come hither motion with the bloodied digits. "Yo, she-bitch. Lets go." The final action was almost a disappointment, as fear slowed her reactions she grabbed for him and Xander stepped forward, one hand knocking her grabbing arms aside as the other drove the almost forgotten blade home and he held her almost like a lover; causing her to twitch feebly in his grasp with nine inches of steel through her eye socket.

"Dawnie will like this coat." Xander said emotionlessly as he stripped the female vampire of her tooled leather jacket, then proceeded to stake her. Back in Laurel House, responses were mixed.

"Ain't no way that man's human."

"Naw, my man Bruce – he's a god!"

Forrest continued watched the feed intently with a grin on his face as Xander proceeded to strip out of his web gear and pull several straps adjusting the laminate armor that everyone now saw he was wearing. "He's wearing armor? Why the hell don't we have armor like that?"

"Well, we couldn't wear military issue because it'd be too obvious. Nobody thought of whatever that is."

Graham said in awe "One man took out four HSTs."

"Five you forgot the riser." Said the grinning Bruce Campbell fan.

"Right, five... With no backup, and Forrest I don't care if you are dating him! I really think we may be able to do this now. I mean, before I had my doubts fighting these things – but man, that was awesome!"

Meanwhile on screen Xander stretched and grinned as if he knew he had an audience, "Poor little vamps, they always forget humans are tool using animals." He then policed the area, picking up his gear and reloading both his crossbow and the boom stick. Replacing the metal object on his thigh and carrying the crossbow in hand as he walked out of the graveyard.

oOo

Gib and Faisil sat stunned, speechlessly watching the graveyard that Xander had just walked away from. "I think we know why he had all that Van Helsing stuff."

"Yeah, why?" Gib said numbly.

"Because the man hunts vampires, vampires – exist." Faisil nodded slowly.

"I'd very much like for them to go back to not existing, I'll even give you the number for my therapist. There's a very reasonable rate for first time visitors, I think she even takes medicare."

Faisil turned, raising an eyebrow "Your b**hooker**/b takes medicare?"

"She's not a hooker, she really is my therapist. She said there was no way she could fix me, so on my mandatory visits we both get something out of the deal."

"Couldn't she lose her license for that?"

"You have to have a license? Maybe she really was a hooker then. But would Trilby really make me see a hooker?"

"To prevent things like what happened on that tape, maybe he would."

"Maybe he does like me." Gib mused, thoughtfully tapping his chin with a finger.

oOo

A very dusty, bruised and somewhat swollen faced Xander knocked on the door of the Summers residence. A whirling dervish of brown hair and energy impacted his chest and proceeded to hug him into submission. "Xander, mom told me you were going out on patrol! Are you OK?" The bundle of energy attached to his armored chest said in a good approximation of Willow babble.

"Yeah Dawnie, easy on the ribs. I got backhanded over a headstone...and now we both need a shower. We're both covered in vamp dust."

Dawn grinned up at him, her eyes bright and just as she opened her mouth Joyce snickered from her position leaning on the couch watching the two and Dawn's shoulders visibly slumped. Her chances of slipping into the shower with Xander were now reduced from slim to none.

"I picked up a jacket for you." Xander said, swinging the jacket from over his shoulder and draping it over Dawn who squealed happily. "The vampire was skanky, but she had good fashion sense." He noted as she happily modeled the expensive piece of tooled black leather before noticing his bleeding lip and the slowly swelling knot on his jaw.

"Xander! You're hurt." She exclaimed, tossing the jacket at the loveseat and towing him bodily inside; the genuine care in her eyes doing more to kill the pain than a shot of morphine.

"Xander, when I said we'd patch you up – I didn't mean for you to go and get hurt." Joyce said firmly as she went into the kitchen to retrieve one of many First Aid kits.

With Joyce out of the room Dawn leaned close to examine his split lip and gave him a feather light almost unnoticeable kiss, but you could only tell by a trace of blood now on her lips. "I know you have to do this, but you've got to be careful. There are people who care for you." She said firmly, "Besides who would protect us if you were gone?"

"Buffy would protect you." Xander said, somewhat stunned by her actions and what she was saying.

"It wasn't Buffy that protected me from Angelus."

Joyce returned to the room, immediately taking in Xander's stunned look. "Xander you should get a quick shower, the hot water will help reduce the swelling and might prevent further bruising." Xander nodded numbly and allowed her to lead him to the stairs.

She turned to her daughter and smiled. "You have a little blood on your lips."

Dawn ignored the comment, saying quietly. "Its really dangerous for him isn't it? Especially going out without backup. Buffy has a lot of friends to watch her back, but he's all alone."

Joyce drew her youngest daughter into a hug, stroking her hair soothingly. "He wont stop will he?" Dawn asked in a small voice.

Her mother shook her head. "He hasn't so far, no matter hard they pushed he still stayed in the fight. Even if it was by himself."

"So what do I do?" Dawn asked plaintively.

"The same thing women have done since time immemorial. Encourage him, support him, and never let him know how much you worry."

"I kinda let him know I was worried tonight."

"Let him know you're worried, just not the full extent of it."

"I can do that." Dawn said firmly, projecting the image of a fully mature woman. Then she smiled impishly and completely ruined it saying, "I think I'll go see if he needs more towels." And then said in an undertone "And maybe see if he needs help washing his back... Or his front."

Joyce chuckled, working to cheer her daughter. "Slowly young one, you don't want to spook him."

"This going to be like those horse taming lessons?"

"Yes, but with less saddle sores. Mostly."

"Does this mean I can't go into the shower and molest him? No matter how happy I am he's alive?"

"Thankfully, I mean sadly yes." Joyce playfully tousled her daughter's hair. "You can take him more towels though." She left unspoken advice that her daughter had already thought of as Dawn headed upstairs.

oOo

Maggie Walsh watched a tape of a certain dark haired young man as she listened to the commentary of her men upstairs and waved an assistant over who handed her a file on one Alexander L. Harris with bright red letters across the middle proclaiming it Classified. "Mr. Harris, you or whoever researched the proper tools did a very good job."

Turning to her assistant she made a simple statement, "Make sure the men have similar armor by morning, and if anyone asks; we've had this armor on order for weeks."

"What about the "boom stick" ma'am?"

"Too much of a coincidence if we brought those up, one of the men will probably mention it. Put a Benny in his file and compliment him when he does. Mr. Harris, you are definitely one to watch." She said thoughtfully, tapping a pen against her chin as she watched her monitor and he left the graveyard.


	4. Chapter 4

Just a Bit Old Fashioned – Chapter 4

Gib looked over at Faisil sighing deeply,"Rock/paper/scissors for who reports this to Trilby?"

"Sorry, but the rule is interns aren't allowed to bug the boss, and since I'm the intern apparently..." Faisil grinned, "Trilby made up the rule himself, don't blame me."

Gib winced and reached for the encrypted satellite phone, "But I'm gonna come off as insane making this kinda report, with you they'd just think you were drinking; they're gonna think I'm on some kind of hallucinogenic... Its gonna be the Yokohama incident all over again."

"You should have known better than to take …"

"They were slipped to me!"

"Honestly Gib, who's gonna believe a girl would slip YOU a roofy?"

"Its not my fault she was kinkier than I am; I met her online!"

"Are you sure it was a her?" Faisil asked with a wicked smirk, causing Gib to glare at him furiously.

"Pretty sure it was, with some of those Asian girls you can't tell which they are without getting right down to it. All I know is I woke up with marks on my arm from where they took blood and my ass hurting from the anal screening."

"Anal screening?" Faisil asked.

"Yeah, you know when they take a stool sample."

"There's no such thing as an anal screening, and they don't take stool samples to see if you're on drugs."

"Should I be curled up in a shower crying somewhere at this moment?"

"You can do that at the hotel."

"Good then you get to talk to Trilby!" Gib pushed the satellite phone into Faisil's chest and grinned as he turned around and went into the hotel. _'What some rookies won't believe, everyone knows you check for the Adam's Apple first thing.'_

0oOo0

Xander winced, turning his head to glance in the mirror at the four inch wide bruise on either side of his spine where his armor didn't cover his ribs. "Yeah, that's going to sting in the morning," he quickly dried his hair and slipped into his boxers. "I should probably put something on that."

"Or have me do it," Dawn declared quietly, gripping his shoulders and turning his back to face her; hissing at the angry mottled colors that made up several of his ribs, "we definitely need to put some salve on it, I always did for Buffy when she came home all banged up. Something Giles gave her that she usually ignored unless me or forced the issue."

Xander blinked several times, staring her in the eye with the mirror. "Dawn, I thought I locked that door."

"Oh, that lock hasn't worked since Buffy forced the door open one time, besides how do you think I put the towels on the sink and put your clothes in the wash?" Dawn asked curiously, meeting his eyes in the mirror through sheer willpower and restraining her hands from traveling below his waist or around to grope him as well.

Xander gaped at her a bit, but went where she pushed him as she guided him into her room and from there face down onto her bed.

"Just lay there and let Nurse Dawn make it all better," she said as she pulled out a jar of slightly luminescent green gel and straddled his back; firmly planting her rear atop his.

Xander fought to make his brain function as he became hyper aware he was on Dawn's bed, she was astride him and he was wearing a much to thin garment at the moment. His sense of smell was going haywire from all the pheromones in the room, and he silently cursed the hyena for making him aware of just how good a human's sense of smell actually was. The whole room reeked of very personal smells, all of them distinctly Dawn.

He was reprieved from his sense of smell at least when Dawn opened the container of salve Giles had given her and the smell of vanilla and ash filled his nostrils. To his own dismay he found he was disappointed he couldn't smell her faintly even when he was face down with his head on her pillow.

Dawn warmed the gel between her cupped hands and then brought it down to his shoulders, massaging it in with firm smooth strokes and continued down his back, causing him to groan in pleasure with some pain mixed in when she reached the wide bruise that made up the rearward section of his ribs. She briefly contemplated seeing if she could ease his boxers off to check to see how far down the bruise went, but discarded the idea when she recalled her mother's advice and merely relished the contact she had right now instead of spooking him trying for more just yet.

Xander meanwhile had lost all thoughts of resistance, "Dawn, you have magic hands."

"And sticky fingers," Dawn replied absently.

"What?" Xander asked, not having heard what she'd said.

"This stuff is slightly tacky, and its all over my fingers," Dawn replied, blushing hotly as she realized what she'd said.

Xander nodded into her pillow, "Well if you ever decide to go into the massage business, I'm definitely your first customer."

Dawn grinned evilly, thinking of what she could charge him and exactly how he could work off the debt as she continued massaging all the way down his spine to where his boxers ended, "Keep giving me Xander hugs and you'll be my only client."

Xander mumbled something affirmative as he melted into the comforter, not intending on moving for anything less than an apocalypse. Dawn could feel him relax as his muscles went slack and his breathing deepened, "Xander?" she asked lightly receiving only a slight snore for a response causing her to huff a bit in frustration.

"Men do that," Joyce called playfully but softly from the doorway where she leaned against the frame, "if they trust the girl enough anyway."

Dawn fought back a heavy blush, "Yeah, this is the only time I get him between my legs on my bed that he's going to fall asleep."

"Slow..." Joyce reminded her with a grin.

"He's still wearing his boxers isn't he?"

"Let him nap and you can help me with dinner, I've heard tell that the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

Dawn blinked, "Buffy always said it was between the second and third rib on the left side of the chest."

"Your objective isn't to slay Xander," Joyce reminded her.

Dawn stuck her tongue out at her mom, "Well the word's close there's only one letter's difference."

Joyce snickered as Dawn teased her, having already given her the talk years prior when she first became interested in boys and Xander in specific.

"I need to wash my hands first, then I'll be right down. My fingers are sticky."

Joyce eyed the way her daughter was sitting on Xander and said, "I imagine so," with a knowing smirk.

"From the gel!" Dawn growled, as her mom sniffed the air playfully.

"I see..." Joyce drawled, retreating as Dawn threw a stuffed animal at her.

Xander slept on, blissfully unaware of the devious females plotting his downfall; one dismounting him and the other already halfway down the stairs.

0oOo0

Joyce busied herself at the stove, pressing carefully to thoroughly mash the boiled potatoes as Dawn bounced in and set to chopping ingredients for the salad.

After a few moments of Dawn glancing nervously over at her, Joyce turned to face her daughter. "Yes?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

Dawn blushed and visibly searched for words, "Um... am I doing alright? Am I coming on too strong?"

Joyce chuckled and gently pushed a strand of hair from in front of her daughter's eyes, "I think you've done just fine; he hasn't run screaming, he's asleep in your bed and he let you tend his wounds without protest. What more can you ask for?"

Dawn fought back a statement that she definitely didn't want her mother to hear, growling a bit in frustration and coming off more like an angry puppy than the frustrated young woman she was.

Joyce chuckled, smiling widely at Dawn, "Just keep working slowly at it and you'll do fine, you don't want to let your hormones take control and rush into anything you'd regret..."

"I'm pretty sure I wouldn't regret it!" Dawn stated fiercely, glaring a bit at her mom.

Joyce nodded, "But you would if it turned what could be a long term relationship into a one time deal and hurt Xander in the process."

"From the mother comes wisdom." Dawn sighed, leaning against the counter and rapidly chopping onions and tomatoes, taking her frustrations out on the vegetables instead of the young man upstairs in her bed.

"Patience dear, you'll get there in the end."

"I've waited three years for him, I suppose waiting a little more wont kill me... It'll just make me very frustrated and annoying."

"That's the spirit!" Joyce chimed in playfully, smirking over her shoulder at her daughter and getting a piece of lettuce thrown at her for her trouble.

(AN: Sorry for the short chapter, but battling a vicious head cold and trying to come up with new stuff doesn't really compute also my female beta who double checks all my Dawn/Joyce interactions is still working 70 hour work weeks; and before I get any comments about them being out of character for a mom and daughter I'm told that they actually do when they're friends with each other as well as the daughter actually dating/wanting to date a guy the mom LIKES.)


	5. Chapter 5

Just a Bit Old Fashioned Chapter 5

Gibs and Faisil had just finished their report, sitting in front of the laptop in their hotel and were awaiting the order to report for mental evaluation that was no doubt going to come from said report as Trilby rubbed his eye and briefly glared at them from the computer screen.

Gibs spoke up to break the tension, looking over at Faisil, "Think we'll get adjoining rooms in the funny farm?"

"I hope not; you snore." Faisil smirked back, deftly swatting Gibs' hands away from the tray that contained his dinner.

Trilby sighed. "Alright send me what you have, I'll have another team come in to cover for you. The two of you have stumbled upon a situation that you are not currently trained to deal with, and we need to get you trained and back into the field as soon as possible."

"Training? For what? Psychotic episodes? I think we did just fine without any training on that, we seem to be naturals," Gibs spoke up quickly to break the silence that stretched on after Trilby's comment.

Trilby huffed irritably. "Of all the agents that had to stumble into the middle of this it had to be you two; Harry and Helen are exhausted from overwork and using all their off hours trying to find leads on Dana."

"You wouldn't give us training for hallucinations?" Gibs said looking back at Trilby, then over at Faisil. "He wouldn't would he?"

"No, just you Gibs." Faisil sighed and looked back at their boss.

"I'll put it to you bluntly; you weren't hallucinating, there are still things beyond your pay grade and if you have an ACTUAL psychotic break over this I'm putting you both in as interns on Jan's shift." Trilby glared at each of them firmly as he pulled out a pocket humidor and then lit a cigar.

"So, we're not insane?"

"Well, Faisil isn't."

0oOo0

Trilby ended the video conference with Agents Gibson and Faisil and then went over their report before turning to his assistant, rubbing briefly at his eye patch. "Get me the complete file on Alexander Harris; I don't care what you have to do just get it to me by Monday. Buck it as far up the chain of command as you have to, I need to know what's going on in that town and how he fits into all this."

0oOo0

Two men in uniform moved from place to place in the room, collating data and checking files that were filled out in triplicate.

"So, did you see that request for information from the President's office?"

"Alexander Harris, he's listed as working out of the base but in deep cover. The man's so dedicated we don't even have a record of him being on the base, but we have a filled requisition here for some standard equipment and an AT4, whoa!"

"Oh shit, we fucked this up!"

"What?" the other guy asked as he looked over from the requisition forms.

"He hasn't been in for any of his physicals, or his re-quals or … damn we haven't even got a record of his pay for this fiscal year, we need to pull that."

"Well, he's in deep cover and he wouldn't want to be seen during that time; no connections, no records, but the man still earned his pay! We need to make sure it's in the account before he needs it."

"We need to schedule his re-quals and medical just to fill out this file properly, damn it whoever was in here before really screwed the pooch on these records; this is a real Charlie Foxtrot!"

"Top Secret man, you know how it is."

"Well they wouldn't be asking for the data if they weren't about to call him in; which means WE can call him in to get this damn stuff done! Hopefully before somebody realizes we screwed up."

"Let's see; housing reimbursement, medical reimbursement for civilian doctors while in deep cover, months of back pay, hazardous duty pay! I don't think he's got enough room on his chest for all these medals and ribbons!"

0oOo0

"Why don't you go wake up Xander and I'll bring dinner out?" Joyce suggested, gently ushering Dawn away from the sliced vegetables. "Before you consume the whole of the first course," she scolded playfully.

Dawn mock glared, "I'm a growing girl!" and then bounced upstairs happily to try and awaken her unsuspecting victim … err suitor.

Dawn paused in her doorway, looking over Xander's moonlit form as he slept there peacefully in her bed before approaching her quarry carefully and gently shook his shoulder, mindful of the bruises that adorned her unwitting paramour.

When Xander didn't respond Dawn gently ran her hands down his back, avoiding the bruises carefully before sliding her fingers into the waistband of his boxers, beginning to lift with a tiny grin on her face.

"Dawn!" Called Joyce from downstairs, causing Dawn to jump, yanking her hands away with a yelp.

"How the hell does she do that?" Dawn grouched and then turned and headed downstairs, dropping a kiss on Xander's forehead beforehand.

Dawn bounced into the kitchen, chiming out in a poor imitation of Lurch "You rang?"

Joyce chuckled and raised an eyebrow playfully at her daughter with a smirk. "So, where's Xander?"

"He's down for the count, I think that salve uses a lot of energy to heal damage; come to think of it, that may be why Buffy always sleeps so well after she finally gets that stuff into her system."

Joyce shook her head bemusedly hiding a grin. "My daughter, using drugs to knock boys unconscious. It's really more fun when they're awake, you know?"

Dawn smirked. "I'll take my loving how I can get it."

Laughter met that statement as Joyce shook her head, passing her daughter a bowl of salad delicately spritzed with vinaigrette dressing. "Eat and don't drive me to more gray hair, I swear between you and your sister..."

Dawn met that comment with a happy grin, plopping into a seat and happily munching on the salad she'd been handed. "He'd be awake for the good parts, at least I don't think he could sleep for them anyway... It's only the prep work he'd miss!"

"Prep work?" Joyce asked, her eyebrow shooting toward the roof as her daughter happily continued.

"The removal of clothing, the restraints, the body oil..."

"I don't think I need to hear any more of that," Joyce declared firmly, reaching over to swat her daughter on the rump, "slow and steady so he doesn't bolt."

"Yes mom," Dawn huffed playfully, grinning back happily at her mother, "although he's probably going to do that when I bring out the saddle..."

Joyce could only shake her head as she rolled her eyes, chuckling softly at her daughter's antics.

0oOo0

Forrest headed down into the base from the 'frat house' video room, pondering his course of action as he walked up to Walsh's gofer. "I need to speak with Doctor Walsh about something very important."

Walsh's somewhat harried looking assistant looked up from a set of requisitions. "Huh? What? Oh, I'm sorry soldier … Doctor Walsh is currently working on a dangerous experiment and cannot be disturbed."

"This isn't time sensitive, but it is important information. I discovered it after one of our captures went wrong."

"She has some time in her schedule tomorrow morning before class," the assistant replied after checking the Doctor's day planner.

"That'll be fine, thank you," Forrest replied.

"No problem, that's what I'm here for," the assistant muttered while entering the meeting into the time slot for her sometimes absent minded boss.

0oOo0

Xander blinked and struggled against the grasp of Morpheus. The world around him smelled good … too good in fact and nothing at all like his own room in his parent's basement. Soft sounds of breathing reached his ears and he felt cocooned in comforting warmth. Warm, happy, good smells … he definitely wasn't home. His nose twitched as something slid across it as he moved against the pillow and he heard peaceful murmurs against his chest and felt an arm wrap around his midsection.

His eyes shot open wide as a small hand groped his rear and squeezed reflexively. Causing him to take in the sights of Dawn's bedroom and suddenly he felt the naked skin of the girl herself against him and carefully lifted the covers to discover the fact that she was wrapped around him in a state that while it wasn't quite naked was damn near enough to cost him his life in any case.

_'Oh my god I am so dead, Joyce is going to kill me!' _Xander thought as he took in his current situation and Dawn pressed her barely clad body against him, throwing one shapely leg over his own, as he felt himself respond he mentally cursed his traitorous body.

As Xander tried to gently disentangle himself from the sleeping girl, she murmured plaintively and grasped him with her arms and leg like a big teddy bear … a big horny teddy bear. And then the most horrible of horrible things happened, those beautiful eyes opened and she said sleepily, "Morning,"

Xander swallowed heavily. "Morning Dawn … how did we end up like this?"

Dawn grinned wickedly back at him. "You don't remember? The tequila, the dancing, the romance?"

"WHAT?"

Dawn giggled hard, pressing her face against his chest to muffle her chortles of laughter. "Xander, you fell asleep in my bed. Just think of it as the couch, but with more space to spread out."

Xander contemplated this thought, and then contemplated the fact that the two of them were taking up approximately as much space as they ever did on the couch. "Right, and the lack of clothes?"

"This is how I always sleep in my bed," Dawn claimed cheerfully and stretched like a big cat, rubbing herself against his body.

Xander thanked all the gods for his reprieve when his cellphone rang across the room from her dresser and he darted to answer it, "Hello? A package? Certainly, I can come pick it up... I'll be there in 20 minutes."

Dawn yawned sleepily and stretched across her bed, throwing the blankets the rest of the way off and adopted a pose of innocent sexuality as she watched Xander as he went to her desk and started dressing, evidently her mother had returned his cleaned clothing.

Xander's eyes were continually drawn back to Dawn as she watched him, though he fought to avoid it... _'I really need to talk to Joyce.'_

"We're still on for Friday night?" Dawn asked curiously, stretching and leaning forward to present him with an eyeful of cleavage.

Xander's brain melted and he willingly acquiesced before he even questioned what she had planned for Friday, "Uh huh, I'll be there with bells on."

"Now that's an interesting picture, what are you going to hang the bells from?" Dawn mused thoughtfully out loud.

On that note Xander beat a hasty retreat.

Joyce spoke up as he was passing through the living room, "Dawn has grown into quite the young woman, hasn't she?"

His face flaming red Xander nodded and swallowed heavily. "Yes, yes she has," and attempted to exit post haste.

"Hopefully she finds a nice young man like yourself to date, instead of some of the riffraff I've been seeing around town."

Xander almost whined as he turned to face Joyce, his hand on the doorknob, "I am a bit older than her ..."

"Oh pish, you're a lot closer to her age than Hank was to mine," Joyce smiled broadly at him.

"Yeah ..." Xander mused thoughtfully aloud.

"Are you staying for breakfast?"

"No, I've got to go to the Post Office, they called me to pick up something."

"Well, have fun and don't forget to eat."

0oOo0

Forrest sat back in the surprisingly comfortable chair in front of Walsh's desk in her office the next morning, looking over at his boss when she strolled in through the door.

Doctor Walsh looked strangely tired and yet energized at the same time in a strange juxtaposition of movement and appearance. "Good morning soldier, what is it you needed to see me about?"

Forrest looked at her nervously and thought of how to begin carefully laying out the story without winding up in deep shit with his boss and also without starting problems for his source of information. "It seems there are some issues with the HST's, ma'am. We need to update the contamination protocols."

"Oh?" She raised an eyebrow as a thoughtful frown crossed her face.

"We've worried about replacement and infiltration, but it seems contamination should have been a bigger fear." Forrest thought for a moment and removed the amulet from around his neck before dropping it on her desk in a calculated move.

Maggie's eyes narrowed as Forrest suddenly sprouted a pair of breasts she knew quite well, having seen them in the mirror for decades; his already tight shirt nearly bursting with the new additions. "I see … or perhaps I don't. Why don't you explain exactly what is going on here."

Forrest sighed and began an exposition, avoiding the identity of his mysterious benefactors as much as possible, despite knowing she could examine the video feed to determine exactly who and where he was talking about, as he explained the mechanics of what happened to him, grasping his news additions at one point and shaking them to add emphasis.

"Soldier, quit playing with my breasts."

"Sorry ma'am."

"So, it seems that the blood or bodily fluids of certain HST's can have a detrimental or debilitating effect upon human subjects," Maggie continued.

"Not so much debilitating as embarrassing ma'am."

"Quite, it seems we must bring in an outside expert to see exactly what we may have unleashed upon ourselves to make sure we don't become the very thing we're trying to study."

0oOo0

Xander strolled into the post office, panting heavily to regain breath from the run he'd made from Revello Drive and looked around curiously for the package in question. Evelyn one of the Post Office clerks approached and smiled at him. "Your package is in the back office, come with me, please."

Xander shook his head as he caught his breath and shrugged, not knowing why his package was in one of the offices.

Inside the room he was led to was a young woman with her hair up in a straight ponytail, who stood in a distinctly military manner though she was wearing civilian clothing, as he was lead into the room and the door shut behind them.

"Xander Harris?" she asked somewhat dubiously, with a raised eyebrow.

"That's me," Xander shot back cheerfully.

"PN2 Mercado Chief. Sorry to meet you under these circumstances; I've been very careful to insure I wasn't followed so as to not endanger your mission and I'd just like to say from those of us back in the office we have tremendous respect for your dedication and what you're doing for our country."

Xander blinked and returned the salute reflexively and replied carefully, "Nice salute, but I work for a living sailor," Xander said playfully before continuing, "you've been briefed?"

"Sorry sir!" She blushed prettily. "And no, I'm not cleared for that information Chief, I just brought your paperwork. It seems somewhere down the line the messenger or person in charge of your files misplaced several very important documents that we need to replace."

"Don't call me sir I still work for a living, remember?" Xander interrupted her with a smile. "What paperwork do I have to fill out?"

"Nearly everything Chief. I apologize for the mix up, but this can all be handled while you're at the MEP station in LA while awaiting the results of your physical and requalifications."

"Why are you calling me Chief?"

"Evidently they applied your promotion when you qualified and either that paperwork was also misfiled or they decided to give it to you as a field promotion instead of jumping through all the hoops."

"When am I needed at the MEP Station?" Xander asked, fairly stunned at this information.

"The latest group of inductees are coming in today, and that's the best way to handle this without breaking your cover," she replied, "and congratulations on your promotion, Chief!" She beamed at him happily.

She handed him the package, which he then thumbed through carefully; Housing Allowance for California, Uniform Allowance, food allowance, Medical Reimbursement, Insurance Information, in short everything Xander needed to officially be a member of the US Armed Forces was in this manila envelope save his ID. "Your card will be issued at the MEP Station as they need an updated picture, we took the liberty of opening you an account and all you have to do is sign to acknowledge that you have received your back pay."

"Just between the two of us, how much information have I accidentally let slip?" Xander asked, leaning against the wall as he placed the documents back into the envelope.

"Nothing definite, but the number of times you've been wounded in action speaks for itself. I believe you've got a Purple Heart with clusters coming." She smiled at him cheerily while Xander mentally blanched and cursed up a storm inside his head.


	6. Chapter 6

Just a Bit Old Fashioned – Chapter 6

Xander was bemused as he left the Post Office, he'd evidently joined the service at some point and people had noticed! _'Funny, I thought they had just discarded that old file... A few moments on a computer and a few requisition forms for Buffy's Party popper and some other basic necessities turned into a career!'_

"And now I need to get to LA," Xander murmured to himself, "but who in their right mind would drive in LA if there was any other option available?" His feet abruptly turned and he headed toward the Amtrak Station, "Say what you want about Mayor Wilkins, he really did get the trains to run on time."

0oOo0

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Faisil asked as they boarded the train in a car behind Xander's.

"No, but what are our options?" Gibs asked curious as to his partner's thoughts.

"You know; following our orders..."

"Our orders were to keep an eye on him, we're keeping an eye on him."

"Yeah but that was supposed to be in Sunnydale, if we're gonna go why not take a helicopter and beat him to LA?" Faisil asked knowing they were going to be following him despite any complaints he might make,.

"Where we gonna land? In the street?" Gibs scoffed.

"They have these things called helipads that are everywhere..."

"Then why haven't I seen them then?"

"Do you have a helicopter?" Faisil asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No."

"Then why would you look?"

"You think I'd at least notice something like that, I'm a trained government agent," Gibs said mock pompously.

"Yeah, you'd think so wouldn't you?"

"What was that newbie?" Gibs glared over at Faisil.

0oOo0

Xander relaxed back into the plush seat he'd acquired for the trip to LA; two and a half hours beat driving through LA traffic to the MEPS station any day, especially from Sunnydale. As he relaxed his mind wandered back to the fateful night he assumed this whole mess had gotten started and he smiled a trifle wistfully. The night had been one roller coaster of an evening; massive lows highlighted by massive wonder. On the one hand he'd stolen a rocket launcher and filed some military red tape to disguise the fact and created the unique opportunity that currently presented itself and on the other Buffy had let Angelus go after slaying the Judge when the vampires had scattered; the best part of the evening however had come at the "oh my god we survived this mess and none of us went to jail" party at Cordelia's indoor pool, the guest list was small – but then the two of them had been more than enough company.

His memories fondly played back the bikini she'd been wearing and how translucent it became in the heated waters, for the short amount of time it had adorned her body, and then the sight of her glistening body lying on the deck chair under the moonlight, which streamed in through the large glass windows around the pool. The next segments of time had been much more … enthusiastic and noisy than the earlier swimming and were burned indelibly into his mind under a label noting his fondest memories along with similar memories of Faith, and a few with Willow.

0oOo0

Xander walked into the MEPS Station confidently, thinking that with his Halloween memories of being in the military and all his practice with weapons out in the desert nearby Sunnydale that this should go relatively painlessly.

Several hours later Xander walked out of the MEPS Station rubbing his sore shoulder and wondering why exactly he needed shots for Scarlet Rubella Fever amongst the other horrors he'd experienced, some of which were firmly filed in his memory under Horrors I Will Never Forget but will NEVER Speak Of that generally involved rubber gloves. Yet more reasons to avoid doctors and their needles, and entirely humiliating procedures which were definitely unnecessary – he didn't care what anybody said. Now he just needed to find a place to spend the night, thanks to the generous Per Diem he was receiving from the military while in LA he didn't need to skimp on it either.

He hadn't been sure about carrying his weapons with him to the MEPS station but evidently they were used to such things from military personnel in deep cover assignments, or at least no one had said anything which was more than good enough for him; his vigilance was rewarded a moment later when he heard a scream from down a nearby alleyway towards which he darted like a lemming towards a cliff in one of those silly nature documentaries.

Gibs and Faisil followed him discretely, carefully drawing their sidearms as they followed him at a more sedate pace down the alleyway; the sight that confronted them when they reached the dead end of the alley was a distinct culture shock and it likely would be to anyone not from Sunnydale or one of the demon hunting communities. A tall green skinned humanoid with emaciated facial features and a strange bone structure and a gem in its forehead was standing over Xander Harris with sword in hand, blade poised to drive through his midsection... Several sharp barks from a palm sized handgun caused it to fall with sprays of green gore.

Xander groaned as the green humanoid fell atop him, "Oh great, this shit'll never come out!"

The creatures blood poured into the open wound in his side and he was thankful he'd provided enough of a distraction for the woman to escape the beast as he worked it off him. "Why do these critters have to bleed in such strange colors? Just once I'd like to get covered in blood that matches my shirt … oh god, I've spent way too much time around Buffy and Cordy."

He began cursing softly in Klingon as he noticed the green gunk had gotten into his wound, and it seemed to be healing … rapidly.

0oOo0

Cordelia watched in shock as Xander Harris, of all people, rushed down an alleyway after hearing a scream; the same screams that had drawn herself and Angel in this direction. They'd been following rumors of a strange green skinned demon prowling the alleyways and hunting the area. Doyle had finally managed to get useful vision that pointed them in this direction. Several sharp barks from a firearm just hastened them further.

Further shock hit her system when she noted two men carrying pistols watching Xander pick himself up out from under the demon in question from behind a large steel dumpster. They swiftly moved to block the two's path.

Gibs and Faisil moved to intercept the civilians coming down the alleyway and Gibs flashed his badge, "Ma'am, sir I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"Leave what Simon and Garfunkle, LA?" Cordelia snarked at him with a sneer.

"Oh, you want to get testy with me? Not only do I work for a classified government agency I work for the IRS as a troubleshooter, are you trouble?" Gibs said wickedly, flipping his wallet to show an IRS ID.

"Listen, you can't just threaten to shoot people," Angel spoke up carefully.

"I wasn't threatening to shoot her, I was promising to audit … both of you," Gibs smirked, showing off more teeth than a shark.

Cordelia grabbed Angel's arm with surprising strength, dragging him bodily away. "Angel, shut up and come on; we're finished here."

"But, but ..."

"I didn't know you were with the IRS," Faisil spoke up, as the hot brunette and the leather clad individual sped away after climbing inside a black convertible.

"I'm not, I got the guys down in the computer lab to print it up for me; look at this one!" Gibs flipped it again and showed off an ID declaring him to be the FDA Bikini Inspector, with a very official looking government seal, the cursing in Klingon went ignored behind the two as they conversed and Xander soon exited with several vials of the green critter's blood tucked away in his pockets and wandered unnoticed down the street, carrying the demon's sword over his shoulder and whistling as he walked away.

0oOo0

As Xander wandered along looking for a local hotel, steadily ignoring the green stain on his flannel shirt; it was cut to shit anyway, his cellphone began playing Uptown Girl. "Hello, Cordelia?"

Cordelia growled angrily at him, "You dork! You came to LA and didn't even call me?"

"It was kinda a sudden thing, besides how do you know I'm in LA?" Xander asked her incredulously. "Did you have me lo-jacked? I mean, that would explain the rubber gloves."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Where are you, you big dofus?"

"Currently I'm looking for a hotel."

"You don't need a hotel, you can stay with me," Cordelia replied with a smirk he could hear over the phone.

"So … where are you? I'll have to be back at the MEPS center come morning."

"I'll be sure not to keep you up too late," came the enigmatic reply. "Now get over here to the Starbucks, fifth and main."

"Cordy, I'm not precisely dressed to go wandering into places," Xander replied.

"This is LA, they'll just assume you're working on a film; besides Starbucks would serve you if you showed up naked, as long as you paid."

"Good point, meet you there," he replied and began walking in that direction.

0oOo0

Cordelia and Angel sat in an out of the way corner booth of the Starbucks awaiting Xander's arrival.

"How do you think Xander ended up in the alley?"

"I'll ask him, now go away," Cordelia stated firmly, taking a sip of her espresso.

"What? Why?"

"Because you two together get on my nerves far more than you get on each other's."

"Good point, I'll go check on Doyle and see if he's recovered from his migraine."

Cordelia snarked back, "Sure … migraine … hangover is more like it."

"Just let me know what you find out," Angel said as he left.

Xander walked in a few minutes later, carrying a sword slung across one shoulder and wearing a cut and bloody flannel shirt with a large green stain, but no visible wounds on him. After ordering a vanilla cappuccino he wandered over towards her table, only to be interrupted by a huge hug before he got there, barely managing to get his coffee out of the way before he spilled it on her. "Hi, Cordy, good to see you too."

Cordy swatted his arm firmly. "You dofus, I haven't seen you in ages and here you are all 'hi Cordy'."

"Well, I would have gotten dressed up, but as you can see my fashion sense is the same as always," Xander said as he put her down.

"Yeah, post battle chic … seems to be the main Hellmouth fashion, still it's good to see you. What's been going on?" Cordelia asked as she sat back down and Xander slid into the other side of the booth.

"Well, Willow and Buffy are off at college and I'm still doing the same as I ever was..."

"Playing Slayer without backup?" Cordelia asked archly with a raised eyebrow.

"Someone has to, Buffy's off protecting the college area now I think, because I don't see her around town," he replied, sipping his cappuccino and looking her over.

"I would rag on you about it but from what I saw briefly, it looks like you're doing okay." She grinned back at him.

"Saw?" Xander raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I saw you in the alley; how do you think I knew to call you?"

"Some special Cordy sense," he joked. "I suppose I'm doing okay; especially since I moved out of the dark ages in terms of firepower."

Cordelia nodded. "Yeah, Buffy always said 'guns don't work on vampires,' but from what I've seen they work fine on demons."

Xander shrugged. "They work on vampires too, Darla proved that on Angel. They may not dust them without specialty ammo, but they do enough damage to put them down and from there you can stake 'em easy."

"Unfortunately in the big city we've got far too many police wandering the streets at night to pull that, but I guess it's different in Sunnydale," she continued.

"Yeah, the police still vanish after dark, but enough about me, what have you been up to?" Xander asked her, noting the general weariness that seemed to permeate her posture and her somewhat more prominent cheekbones.

"Oh, I haven't found the right part yet, but I'm still looking; in the meantime I work part time for Angel, as his executive assistant."

"Executive assistant? What could he possibly be doing that he'd need an assistant?" Xander asked incredulously.

"Running a detective agency," Cordy grinned at him.

"What, you mean Mr. Mopes in the Dark is actually doing something?"

"He's not that bad," Cordelia swatted his shoulder, "but enough of that, I hate to listen to either one of you bitch about the other one."

"He bitches about me?" Xander's eyebrows shot skyward and Cordelia groaned.

"I swear, it's like talking to a girlfriend about her ex; you two spent far more time and effort annoying each other than you did getting dates," Cordelia huffed.

"Really, I only spent five minutes when he showed up or someone mentioned his name … or I saw something black... yeah, lets change the subject before this gets creepy."

"Er, the word you're looking for is creepier." Cordelia grinned wickedly at him and sipped her beverage. "What's this about a MEPS Station?"

"Yeah, you remember when we got Buffy's party popper?"

"Of course I do, our private pool party after we dealt with the smurf was a lot more fun." Cordy winked at him playfully.

"Yes, it certainly was …" Xander shook his head before he got lost in those particular fond memories, "in any case, when I was on the computer I not only filled out a requisition form, so it wouldn't come up missing when they did inventory, I also put in an ID, so if we got caught we still had a chance of getting away with it."

Cordy sighed, massaging the bridge of her nose. "Let me guess, they caught on to your half assed plot?"

"Not quite," Xander grinned wickedly, "it seems somehow or other I'm now a deep cover operative of the US Military and have been for the past few years. They just gave me my back pay, and had me come in to fill out paper work they 'lost' so now I'm a highly paid government operative, doing what I was doing for free."

"You have got to be shitting me," Cordelia shook her head, bemused by the bureaucratic snafu, "how about we retire to my place rather than discuss high treason here?"

"I'll order the pizza," Xander grinned.

0oOo0

Cordelia sat astride Xander in her apartment, currently clad in her bra though lower body was still covered and his hands were running over her back, however his heart didn't seem to be in his actions; he wasn't doing the things he learned that really got her worked up. Finally she sighed, "Okay, what's wrong?"

Xander blinked up at her cluelessly. "Wrong, what could be wrong?"

"For one, your full attention doesn't seem to be on me or the girls here..." she flexed her pectoral muscles, causing her breasts to bounce appealingly, "and since you haven't seen them for a while, you should be excited."

"I am excited!" Xander denied firmly.

"Yeah, but not as much as you should be. It's like you're distracted … like, oh my god you're seeing someone, I'm the other woman!" Cordy huffed.

"No I'm not!" Xander yelped.

"No?" She shifted a little, feeling him beneath her. "You're interested in someone?"

"No … yes … maybe?" Xander sighed, leaning back against the couch and letting his head fall against the cushion.

"Well, talk to me lover boy; you don't get to wind me up this much and walk away without at least giving me some juicy gossip," Cordelia said, crossing her arms under her breasts.

"It's … complicated," Xander eventually replied.

"Good, that's the best kind," she declared, not moving from her perch on his lap.

"Well you see … do you remember Buffy's little sister? She's not so little anymore."

"Oh my god! Do you know how old she is?"

"About the same age you were when you and Buffy were going after Angel? Amazingly enough, I'm still at least six years younger than he appears, much less the couple of centuries he's got tacked on!" Xander whined.

"Okay, fine I'll give you that; it's not that big a deal, except when I'm trying to get into your pants, which you should be more appreciative of by the way. Are you two dating, is it formalized?"

"Well … no … Friday will be our first actual date which apparently I agreed to," he replied.

"So, you're not dating her yet?" Cordelia asked with a smirk and a delicately raised eyebrow.

"Not exactly, no..." Xander admitted.

"Good," Cordelia said smugly, "when you go back to Sunnydale you sir are going to ask her out; no ifs, no ands, no buts. You are going to be The Man and let her know exactly how much you want her. Your mind should now be clear of anything that might have distracted you, and since for the moment you're still single and you still owe me..." she playfully said, pushing him down onto his back on the couch and covering his mouth with her own for a few moments before she panted into his ear, "I'm claiming ex-girlfriend privileges."

0oOo0

Xander slid out from under Cordelia and tucked a body pillow in next to her, which she hugged to her reflexively, then proceeded to shower and re-appropriated one of his old shirts from her closet to wear for the day, before writing her a note and leaving her a check, so she could afford to buy groceries and maybe get a better place. He didn't like how thin she was and suspected that she was bluffing about how well she'd landed on her feet. He then headed to the MEPS Station to finish up this round of … torture.

0oOo0

Cordelia awoke some time later, disappointed to find Xander already gone, but having expected it, since he told her he had to get up early to deal with the military and discovered a note … and a check. She briefly warred with herself for taking charity although practicality won out in the end; plus it was Xander so it was more like a loan from a family member than anything else she told herself and was surprised to find that she actually believed it.

0oOo0

Cordelia beamed happily as she walked into Angel Investigations, much peppier than she'd been in recent days and Angel raised an eyebrow curiously. "What's put the spring in your step?"

"Oh, just visiting with an old flame."

"Oh joy..." Angel drawled wryly, "I'm not going to have to hear about it am I?"

"God you two are so childish when you talk about each other," she huffed, as she plopped down onto a chair.

"Childish… did he mention me?"

"Oh good lord, you two really are creepy," Cordelia said as she began to polish her nails.

"What?" Angel interjected, "what did you find out about him in the alley with the demon?"

"He was just passing by and heard the screaming, so of course he rushed in."

"That does sound like him," Angel admitted, "rushing in where fools fear to tread, so it was just an accident? A coincidence?"

"Yep, sometimes that happens, even in our lives."

"Huh, wonder why Doyle didn't see it? Probably blinded by his shirt," Angel muttered as he wandered off.

"So much like children, really..." She scoffed and blew on her nail polish to encourage it to dry faster.


	7. Chapter 7

**Just a bit Old Fashioned – Chapter 7**

Cordelia reclined back into her bath water, dialing Buffy's home phone number and after several rings the person on the other end picked up. "Hello?"

Joyce answered the phone, "Hello."

"Morning Mrs. Summers, can I speak to Dawn?" Cordelia asked cheerfully.

Joyce walked upstairs and passed Dawn the phone. "Phone for you, sounds like Cordelia."

Dawn accepted the phone. "Thanks mom, I got it..." She put the phone to her ear. "Hi Cordy!"

"Don't you 'Hi Cordy' me you ex-boyfriend stealer," Cordy playfully scolded.

Dawn flopped onto her bed. "How did you find out?"

"I saw him in LA, he is so into you! Do you know how hard it was to convince him to come back to my place?"

Dawn gasped, "Your place?" She snarled indignantly.

"He's my ex and he was single, it's allowed; he didn't even know you guys were dating yet, but relax I clued him in and although he was shocked, he warmed up to the idea instantly." Cordy grinned at the phone as she relaxed backwards into the water. "You are so lucky I trained him."

"What?" Dawn growled, not liking the tone of this conversation at all, whether she appreciated the content or not.

"You didn't think he came naturally that way, did you? Or haven't you had a chance to find out yet? No if you had he'd know you were dating."

"You … you … you had sex with my Xander!"

"He was mine before he was yours," Cordelia giggled. "You make it sound so sordid."

"Thank you!" Dawn huffed, "but you had sex with him last night!"

"And would have again this morning, but he was up and gone by the time I woke up," Cordy acknowledged her younger counterpart with a grin.

"You are so EVIL!"

"But evil and on your side, it's not like I'm working against you after all," Cordelia replied thoughtfully, as she added a measure of bath beads to the water around her.

"Really?" Dawn asked perplexedly.

"Unless you're going to hurt Xander, of course."

"I'd never hurt Xander!" Dawn declared in an offended tone, "Bite, nibble, maybe some muscle strain... But I wouldn't hurt him! At least on purpose anyway..."

Cordelia nodded, even though Dawn couldn't see her. "That's good enough for me. I don't expect you to be a saint, but Summers' girls haven't always done right by him."

"I AM NOT my sister," Dawn growled.

"I know, otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation; I'd have kneecapped you already."

Dawn blinked and looked at the phone incredulously. "You'd kneecap my sister?"

"After some of the shit she's pulled, she's lucky I haven't done it already; I mean seriously, believing a vampire dressed in a Versace knockoff was me when they were using it as bait?" Cordelia heard bubbling laughter from the other end of the line as Dawn cracked up. "But on a more serious note, as long as you treat him right you've got my support. I certainly can't drag him here for myself, much as I'd like to and at least this way someone gets him who'll appreciate him."

Dawn nodded solemnly, though she knew Cordelia couldn't see it. "I certainly intend to," she stated in a wicked tone of voice, causing Cordelia to crack up.

0oOo0

Xander walked into the bar, smiling and laughing, with some of the inductees who swore up and down the place had the best food anywhere remotely close to the MEPS station, his eyes scanning the light airy room only to stop as he saw someone he'd recognize anywhere; after all the man had been the catalyst for a greater number of changes in his life than anyone save Willow, most of which had been beneficial.

He and Ethan Rayne certainly weren't friends, but according to the statistics he'd dug up, the Halloween incident certainly hadn't resulted in any more deaths than had happened on any other Halloween in Sunnydale and the heroes and villains, which while balanced between themselves, had dealt with a number of vampires and demons who had planned on a snack in much the same vein as Spike that evening.

Ethan wasn't looking remotely jocular or as if he had anything planned at this point, that was certain. The man looked more like he'd lost his only friend and been diagnosed with cancer of the puppy on the same day.

Xander darted a look to the bartender as he made his excuses to the men with him and walked over. The bartender shook his head as if to indicate he had no idea what had Ethan looking so down. Ethan had certainly made a dent in the bottle of top shelf scotch before him however.

The sign on the door said the place opened at noon and if Xander was correct, and he'd bet a month of his substantial salary that he was, the man had been drinking steadily since the bar opened.

As Xander arrived at the table, Ethan raised a glass to someone insubstantial, "'Ere's to friendships dead and gone, mates long forgotten!" and drained most of the water glass in his hand, before reaching for the bottle, only to have Xander gently remove it from his grasp.

"It won't help you know," Xander said, as he slid in across from the obviously inebriated man.

"Bloody hell mate, are you starting a franchise 'ere in LA then?" Ethan asked warily, his eyes taking in Xander's concerned look with a raised eyebrow. "I don' see yer Slayer about thankfully enough 'owever."

Xander sighed and patted Ethan on the shoulder, motioning for another glass and pouring just enough to have some scotch to sip on in it, before replying, "Ethan, I'm not here to add to your misery; you seem to be doing well enough at that yourself."

"Well as ye've helped yerself to my booze, how about you answer me a few questions then mate?" Ethan ground out, as Xander sipped the scotch in his glass before nodding resolutely.

"That's certainly fair enough," Xander replied and waited for the man to gather his thoughts.

"How would you deal with being totally alone then, your friends all moved on or died off?" Rayne asked, seemingly sobering swiftly.

"For one, I wouldn't attempt to drown my sorrows in a bottle," Xander replied sternly, before continuing in a gentler tone, "and maybe I'd try to rebuild some bridges, instead of scorching them out of existence."

Ethan sighed expressively, taking another drink – thankfully a smaller one than before, before replying, "I would if I bloody damn well knew how."

Xander pondered for a moment. "Here's how I see it Ethan, do you mind if I call you Ethan?" he asked the formerly besotted Chaos Mage.

Ethan waved a hand airily. "Don't see why not, I'd certainly prefer not being called Mr. Rayne," he replied with some distaste toward the end of the statement.

Nodding Xander ran his hand through his hair. "I can see that... honestly, I'm guessing the … antics … for lack of a better word," he carefully said, in deference to their public place of discussion and the incumbent military personnel slowly filling the bar, "were mostly a cry for attention and camaraderie from Giles? Judging from your actions you don't bear the people of Sunnydale or even the Scoobs any real malice; Halloween had one of the lowest fatality rates on record in the last five years for example, and I highly doubt you knew exactly what they were planning -"

Here Ethan interrupted, his voice rising angrily, "Of course I bloody well didn't know what those bloody, halfwitted, poofy bastards had in store! I was just in it for some harmless fun; maybe get my old pal Ripper to loosen up a bit." He rubbed his hands down over his face attempting to hide a sudden haunted look about his eyes. "Haven't slept especially well since that piece of pish nearly went down either; I've done some shite in my time lad, and I admit a lot of it was bad, but sacrificing children to demons isn't my thing..."

Xander raised an eyebrow skeptically at the last comment, causing Ethan to elaborate with another drawn out sigh, "I'm no saint boy, and I was running scared hoping that Slayer of yours and your crew could stop Eyghon where I couldn't; I kept practicing after Randall died and still had a far firmer link to him than Rupert."

"I'm willing to accept that," Xander acknowledged and took another sip of his drink. "You have good taste," he complemented the man across from him as he stared into the candle on the table between them for a moment. "Fear does strange things to the best of us … you could still rebuild those bridges, you know?"

Ethan considered that thoughtfully while rolling his glass between his hands. "Thanks … and how do you propose I go about doing that lad?"

"We're always in need of help at the Hellmouth," Xander replied, the current noise level providing a much larger degree of anonymity than previously when the bar only had a few patrons.

"Turn all white hat just like that? Ripper'd never go for it, much less that gormless slayer he supposedly guides about."

"Buffy hasn't got a leg to stand on with that one mate," Xander declared firmly, his voice picking up a bit of Ethan's English inflections and terminology as he sat talking to the man, "after that bit with Angelus and the re-ensoulment shite she can't hurl stones about second chances."

Nodding wryly Ethan replied, "Aye, she would come off as more than a bit of a hypocrite there."

Xander drained the remaining fluid in his glass and shook his hair out of his face, motioning for Ethan to top up his glass. "Wouldn't be the first time mate, but look at it this way you can still cause a right bit of chaos in amongst the group and I'll referee when you meet back up with Giles and the girls. Hell, I'm going to have to do it for Faith anyway; speaking of which, I'll be needing your help with an issue or two where that's concerned as well, if you're in."

Ethan pondered and then finally nodded. "What the hell pup, it's not like I've anything to lose sitting here on my arse, getting pissed out of my gourd."

Xander grabbed a napkin and wrote out his new cell phone number. "Give me a call in a few days; I've still got a few more days of running through hoops at the MEPS station before I get back to Sunnydale." With a chuckle and a roguish grin, Xander patted the other man firmly on the shoulder. "Besides I have one hell of a tale for you when next we speak."

Ethan watched as Xander wandered back over to the group of military people he'd entered with curiously and shook his head. "What a fine mess you've gotten yourself in this time ol' boy, but crazy must be catching," he murmured, before ordering a meal and contemplatively watching the teenager interact with the men with interest. "At least the lad's not boring."

0oOo0

Boris and Doris sat in a decent looking apartment in Boston that had been systematically taken apart and searched carefully by the two agents. No real signs were found indicating their daughter had been there, save for a few fingerprints some of which belonged to Dana; the others they weren't sure of, however a search had been running for hours back at the lab linked to their laptop, which they were currently watching avidly for results as it scanned through various databases.

"Damn it! This close and nothing, sometimes I wonder if we'll ever find her!" Doris cursed and then broke into tears.

Boris put his arm around her. "We're getting closer, that's all that matters … we'll find her, and then we'll slowly eviscerate the ones who took her, now wont that be fun?" he tried to cheer his weeping wife.

She sniffed. "Stop trying to cheer me up."

"Is it working?"

"Yes."

Suddenly the computer beeped indicating results on another search, and a small and grainy security video of Dana sneaking onto a bus appeared when Doris eagerly clicked the blinking icon, however neither of them could tell where the bus was headed.

"See honey, we're getting closer. We'll find her, I promise."

"But who knows where that bus was headed?" she demanded frustrated.

"The bus driver and the bus station," he replied with a grin. "We have time and place and the bus station keeps records. There's no guarantee which stop she got off on, but we'll have the route. We're getting closer every day, just be patient. We'll find out who took her and why, and what they told her to keep her from contacting us. I promise."


End file.
